I used to hate our dog. She's an american Eskimo/golden retriever mix, which makes a beautiful dog, but I hated her. Her constant shedding of white hair all over the house drove me nuts. Her constant barking like crazy any time someone came to the house, her little disobediences when she knew she was being bad and did it anyway...... I could go on and on, but I won't. I couldn't get rid of her. The kids would have been devastated! So I continued to put up with her and all the things that drove me crazy.
One day I realized that I was making myself miserable. She didn't seem to care one bit whether I liked her or not. In fact, she continued to follow me around wherever I went just as if we were the best of friends. I realized that the only one I was making miserable was myself. I decided that instead of constantly noticing the negative in her, I would look for the positive. I started to notice how loyal she was to each family member, and how happy they were to see her when they came home. I began to notice the joy she brought to my children. I realized that I was glad that no one could come to my house unannounced when I was home alone because of her. I noticed that she would gladly clean up anything that spilled on the kitchen floor all by herself! I was surprised that the things that bothered me before seemed to melt into the background. These aggravating annoyances became almost forgotten, and when remembered, were very slight recognitions that contained none of the vehement feelings that had accompanied them before. I found myself much more at peace,and much happier!
I decided to try this idea with another thing I do not enjoy: Going to Walmart. I hated how far away you have to park to get in. I hated how you can never find anyone to help you. I hated how crowded it is, and the always long lines. I had a bad attitude about the place. I decided to look for the good in going there. The first thing I noticed was that it was nice weather outside, and the walk to get in was not that bad. I noticed that they have practically anything you could want to buy in a place like that. I came across a very short woman who was trying to reach for something very high and couldn't get it. I got it for her and she was so grateful. That made me feel good! I noticed the friendliness of the people in line in front of me, and the cheerful cashier who had been on her feet for hours. I left there with a completely different experience and feeling than I had ever had before.
What changed? The walk was still long, the help scarce, the lines long. Nothing had changed. Nothing except me. I was amazed that I could go to the same store I have been going to for several years and, for once, come away with a completely different feeling. Happiness instead of drudgery. I marveled at how this is possible. All I did was look for the good and ignore the bad, both with my dog and with going to the store. Can it really be that simple? Can simply looking for the good, and ignoring the bad make that big of a difference? I am here to tell you that it is working for me, and the possibilities are endless! Driving in traffic, your children, spouse or others, telemarketers and salesmen at the door, unpleasant tasks that you must do, or a job that you don't love. Anything!
Pick something that bugs you and try it. You will be amazed at the difference!
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Friday, October 23, 2015
A Path Worth Taking
About
a year ago I had the idea to sit down and make a list of all the people who
have changed the course of my life, people who I consider to be mentors throughout my 50 years.
I began reflecting on my life beginning as a child and prayerfully went through my life in my mind to pinpoint who these key people were. It almost seemed that as I followed the path I had trod in my mind, that there were very specific times where the path turned one direction or another. I was able to identify key people, and how these people were instrumental in my decision to turn one direction or another on my path. Funny how I could not see it at the time, but in looking backward it became so obvious.
This kind of reflection about my life gave me great insight and perspective into who I am and the people who have helped me become who I am today!
The first people (other than parents of course) who I came across in my reflecting were the husband and wife I used to babysit for as a teenager. Their family was a lot different than the one I was growing up in, and their example of healthy ways to parent and love children stuck in my brain and mulled around until I became a parent myself. Their example greatly influenced my desire to be that kind of parent too. It set me on a journey of book-reading and class-taking in an effort to be the patient and loving parent I saw exemplified in their family.
The next person on my path was a seminary teacher who brought Christ and his gospel alive for me. Because of this teacher's influence I developed a thirst for a testimony of who Christ is, a thirst which has brought me a very long way.
Following him was an institute teacher who gave me a love for my heritage; a friend from college who taught me to serve and love others without expecting a return; my husband who has taught me multiple layers of lessons on many subjects; a former bishop of our congregation who taught me about priorities in marriage; several close friends who have taught me many things; some therapists who helped me become a more loving parent, wife and person; and a wise younger friend who has taught me so much about refining who I am, even recently!
It was so rewarding to recognize the different people who have played a key role in my life, and to know that their influence has permanently changed me and led me to where I am today, on an ongoing path in a direction I want to go.
2 weeks ago I decided to write each of these mentors a letter detailing how they had been a positive influence in my life and thanking them for their role in helping me along my path. So far I have written 4 of my 12 letters.
I did not anticipate the great influence it would have on ME to write to each of them in such detail. It has been a rewarding and very humbling experience, one I wish I would have done long ago. I am lucky enough to have everyone still living that I wanted to thank, but I had decided at the beginning of this effort that I would still write the letter even if I could not deliver it. There is something about writing it down, about putting it physically on paper that is therapeutic, and has instilled gratitude and humility in me. It just feels good! This is a path worth reflecting on!
I began reflecting on my life beginning as a child and prayerfully went through my life in my mind to pinpoint who these key people were. It almost seemed that as I followed the path I had trod in my mind, that there were very specific times where the path turned one direction or another. I was able to identify key people, and how these people were instrumental in my decision to turn one direction or another on my path. Funny how I could not see it at the time, but in looking backward it became so obvious.
This kind of reflection about my life gave me great insight and perspective into who I am and the people who have helped me become who I am today!
The first people (other than parents of course) who I came across in my reflecting were the husband and wife I used to babysit for as a teenager. Their family was a lot different than the one I was growing up in, and their example of healthy ways to parent and love children stuck in my brain and mulled around until I became a parent myself. Their example greatly influenced my desire to be that kind of parent too. It set me on a journey of book-reading and class-taking in an effort to be the patient and loving parent I saw exemplified in their family.
The next person on my path was a seminary teacher who brought Christ and his gospel alive for me. Because of this teacher's influence I developed a thirst for a testimony of who Christ is, a thirst which has brought me a very long way.
Following him was an institute teacher who gave me a love for my heritage; a friend from college who taught me to serve and love others without expecting a return; my husband who has taught me multiple layers of lessons on many subjects; a former bishop of our congregation who taught me about priorities in marriage; several close friends who have taught me many things; some therapists who helped me become a more loving parent, wife and person; and a wise younger friend who has taught me so much about refining who I am, even recently!
It was so rewarding to recognize the different people who have played a key role in my life, and to know that their influence has permanently changed me and led me to where I am today, on an ongoing path in a direction I want to go.
2 weeks ago I decided to write each of these mentors a letter detailing how they had been a positive influence in my life and thanking them for their role in helping me along my path. So far I have written 4 of my 12 letters.
I did not anticipate the great influence it would have on ME to write to each of them in such detail. It has been a rewarding and very humbling experience, one I wish I would have done long ago. I am lucky enough to have everyone still living that I wanted to thank, but I had decided at the beginning of this effort that I would still write the letter even if I could not deliver it. There is something about writing it down, about putting it physically on paper that is therapeutic, and has instilled gratitude and humility in me. It just feels good! This is a path worth reflecting on!
Sunday, October 11, 2015
The 50/20 - A Lesson for Life
A good friend in my neighborhood recently sent me an incredible picture of her husband quite literally supporting her son as he walked the 50/20.
For those of you who don't know about this grueling event, the 50/20 is a 50 mile walk done in 20 straight hours. My friend's son Thomas and his group left late in the afternoon and walked all night in an effort to finish the next day. Six boys and their two scout leaders plus one girl had signed up for this grueling and character-building exercise. As I later visited with Thomas about his experience, he described to me how different people in his group dropped out at different points in the walk for different reasons. One person stopped at 8 miles, another at 18, more at 25. By 32 miles only he and one leader were left. Thomas described how hard it was to keep going when other people stopped. He described how it was easier to walk with a group and how he felt lonely when it was just him and his leader, often walking within sight of each other, but not together.
By mile 35 Thomas was in tears from fatigue and pain. He was ready to give up. He told me that he would have given up if his dad had not come to walk with him at that point. His father had checked in with Thomas' leader to see if there was anything he could do to help. The message was conveyed that Thomas wanted his dad, so his dad came bringing food, enthusiasm and support. In order for his father to walk with him for a time he would park way ahead of where they were, walk back and walk with his son, then go back to get the car and move it far ahead again, repeating this process multiple times. As his father did this for him, Thomas was strengthened and encouraged and was able to keep going. After a little more than an hour, Thomas seemed renewed enough to continue, and his father left him to keep walking.
By the time Thomas reached mile 43, he was again struggling. His father again met up with Thomas and his leader and carried their backpacks for them to help ease their burden. He stayed with Thomas the rest of the time. By this time Thomas was crying. He would say "I can't do it" "I want to be done!" "I hate this!" But he kept walking. He later told me that what kept him going was the goal he had set to finish and that he did not want to disappoint himself or his father who was rooting for him.
By mile 47 Thomas was so tired that he could barely continue. His arches hurt, his legs hurt, his whole body hurt. His father walked beside him and held his hand, encouraging him to keep going, telling him he could do this, and that they were almost there. Thomas described the disappointment he felt every time they would come around a bend and stretching before him was a long road still to be walked. He said that he felt that the journey would never end. During this last few miles, he would take a break every half hour or so and lay on his father's back. His father did not take any steps for him, but he would lift him up onto his back, stand in place, and let him rest for a count of 60, then Thomas would continue walking. Thomas described how he could not rest for longer because his muscles would cramp up. He had to keep moving, keep progressing forward.
According to Thomas the last mile felt like ten. Thomas probably stopped around ten times to rest on his father's back that last mile. They began picking a spot or a tree up ahead, and Thomas would commit just to get to that point. Every bend that was not the end was discouraging. All the other participants had long since finished by now. Even the rest stations had been taken down. He kept thinking "I want it to be done" "I hate this!" "This is stupid!" yet he kept walking.
FINALLY after 22 hours and 39 minutes he crossed the finish line. Surprisingly he felt no great sense of accomplishment but just a sense of relief that he had succeeded, that it was done. He and his leader were the only ones to finish from their group, and the last to finish the race, but they DID finish.
As Thomas told me this story, I was struck by the parallels in his story to life and God's role in our lives. We all have trials and tribulations. Some of them are our own choosing, like Thomas, and others that are not of our choosing. As with Thomas, we have no idea what is ahead or how hard it is going to be. Often we are not prepared for how painful it will be, or how long it will be, or how heavy it will be, or how lonely it will be. Although the support of a group was helpful while it lasted, the most helpful for Thomas and the only thing that could have sustained him to the end was his father. So it is with us in our trials and tribulations. We definitely need support along life's long journey, but in the end what offers us the true and lasting support we need is our Father - the only one who can truly make our burdens light, who can hold us up and give us "rest" when we think we cannot keep going, who ultimately through the Holy Ghost gives us peace and encouragement, and holds our hand to the very end when we feel we can't do it, when we cry and say about our trials and tribulations "I want it to be done" "I hate this" "This is stupid!" And sometimes when the Spirit whispers "hang in there, you're almost done" and then we come around another bend and see the path stretched out before us we wonder if there will really ever be an end or will the pain and suffering continue on forever. It is at those times when we feel we cannot keep going, when we are ready to give up, when we have nothing left to give that God lifts us up onto his back and gives us rest, allowing us the ability to dig deep and keep going. He does not walk our journey for us, but he knows what we need to make it to the end, and he walks beside us holding our hand, and he lifts us onto His infinite back to give us rest when we need it.
For those of you who don't know about this grueling event, the 50/20 is a 50 mile walk done in 20 straight hours. My friend's son Thomas and his group left late in the afternoon and walked all night in an effort to finish the next day. Six boys and their two scout leaders plus one girl had signed up for this grueling and character-building exercise. As I later visited with Thomas about his experience, he described to me how different people in his group dropped out at different points in the walk for different reasons. One person stopped at 8 miles, another at 18, more at 25. By 32 miles only he and one leader were left. Thomas described how hard it was to keep going when other people stopped. He described how it was easier to walk with a group and how he felt lonely when it was just him and his leader, often walking within sight of each other, but not together.
By mile 35 Thomas was in tears from fatigue and pain. He was ready to give up. He told me that he would have given up if his dad had not come to walk with him at that point. His father had checked in with Thomas' leader to see if there was anything he could do to help. The message was conveyed that Thomas wanted his dad, so his dad came bringing food, enthusiasm and support. In order for his father to walk with him for a time he would park way ahead of where they were, walk back and walk with his son, then go back to get the car and move it far ahead again, repeating this process multiple times. As his father did this for him, Thomas was strengthened and encouraged and was able to keep going. After a little more than an hour, Thomas seemed renewed enough to continue, and his father left him to keep walking.
By the time Thomas reached mile 43, he was again struggling. His father again met up with Thomas and his leader and carried their backpacks for them to help ease their burden. He stayed with Thomas the rest of the time. By this time Thomas was crying. He would say "I can't do it" "I want to be done!" "I hate this!" But he kept walking. He later told me that what kept him going was the goal he had set to finish and that he did not want to disappoint himself or his father who was rooting for him.
By mile 47 Thomas was so tired that he could barely continue. His arches hurt, his legs hurt, his whole body hurt. His father walked beside him and held his hand, encouraging him to keep going, telling him he could do this, and that they were almost there. Thomas described the disappointment he felt every time they would come around a bend and stretching before him was a long road still to be walked. He said that he felt that the journey would never end. During this last few miles, he would take a break every half hour or so and lay on his father's back. His father did not take any steps for him, but he would lift him up onto his back, stand in place, and let him rest for a count of 60, then Thomas would continue walking. Thomas described how he could not rest for longer because his muscles would cramp up. He had to keep moving, keep progressing forward.
According to Thomas the last mile felt like ten. Thomas probably stopped around ten times to rest on his father's back that last mile. They began picking a spot or a tree up ahead, and Thomas would commit just to get to that point. Every bend that was not the end was discouraging. All the other participants had long since finished by now. Even the rest stations had been taken down. He kept thinking "I want it to be done" "I hate this!" "This is stupid!" yet he kept walking.
FINALLY after 22 hours and 39 minutes he crossed the finish line. Surprisingly he felt no great sense of accomplishment but just a sense of relief that he had succeeded, that it was done. He and his leader were the only ones to finish from their group, and the last to finish the race, but they DID finish.
As Thomas told me this story, I was struck by the parallels in his story to life and God's role in our lives. We all have trials and tribulations. Some of them are our own choosing, like Thomas, and others that are not of our choosing. As with Thomas, we have no idea what is ahead or how hard it is going to be. Often we are not prepared for how painful it will be, or how long it will be, or how heavy it will be, or how lonely it will be. Although the support of a group was helpful while it lasted, the most helpful for Thomas and the only thing that could have sustained him to the end was his father. So it is with us in our trials and tribulations. We definitely need support along life's long journey, but in the end what offers us the true and lasting support we need is our Father - the only one who can truly make our burdens light, who can hold us up and give us "rest" when we think we cannot keep going, who ultimately through the Holy Ghost gives us peace and encouragement, and holds our hand to the very end when we feel we can't do it, when we cry and say about our trials and tribulations "I want it to be done" "I hate this" "This is stupid!" And sometimes when the Spirit whispers "hang in there, you're almost done" and then we come around another bend and see the path stretched out before us we wonder if there will really ever be an end or will the pain and suffering continue on forever. It is at those times when we feel we cannot keep going, when we are ready to give up, when we have nothing left to give that God lifts us up onto his back and gives us rest, allowing us the ability to dig deep and keep going. He does not walk our journey for us, but he knows what we need to make it to the end, and he walks beside us holding our hand, and he lifts us onto His infinite back to give us rest when we need it.
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
A Tip for Increased Happiness
A tip for increased happiness
Who wouldn't like to be happier? I have discovered something so small, that takes just a moment a day really, that has helped me feel so much happier in my life! The idea came from one of my favorite speakers, Stuart Hughes, who gave a talk on ‘radical gratitude’. When I looked up the term ‘radical’ I found that the synonyms were words like thorough, complete, total, far-reaching, extensive and profound. Radical gratitude. Put any of these synonyms with it and it sounds like something wonderful!
While going through a very rough time in my life I decided to implement ‘radical gratitude’. It was too easy a concept not to try. Here is what you do: Every morning think of 3 things that you are grateful for. Never use the same thing twice. I am a praying person, so I just put this at the beginning of my prayer every morning. 3 things. Every morning different. I was amazed at the things that I came up with. I began to see my life through different eyes. I began to realize how truly lucky I am. I began to realize what a beautiful life I have. I have been doing this exercise now for almost a year. My mind is now in the habit of looking for things to be grateful for; not just first thing in the morning, but throughout the day, almost as if it is looking for things to store up for me to say in the morning. As a result I have become happier. Happier because I realize how blessed I am, how good I have it, how much I have. I see so much positive, and it feels so good to see it and appreciate it. I feel like before in my life I had all these good things, but I didn't really see them. Now I am beginning to see, and it is incredible! Like having your eyes opened to a whole new world. Such a small thing to do. Such an amazing difference in my life!
What is a blog anyway??
What is a blog anyway??
I am not that computer literate. I have no idea how to upload a photo without one of my children standing by giving me step-by-step instructions. If they do it for me I will never remember. Even when they DON’T do it for me I will never remember! So the idea of starting a blog is a bit of a challenge!
Who came up with the name “blog” anyway?? I’m sure we could Google that and find out. That is my favorite phrase these days! Any time I don’t know the answer to a question my children ask me, I say, “Let’s Google it”.
Maybe we will get lucky and I will post a picture (with my children’s help) sometime. Maybe.
I am a mother of 7, which sounds like a lot, but most of them are living away from home with the exception of my 2 girls, 15 and 16, who are in high school, and my son who recently returned from ‘study abroad’ with the U of U in Germany. He came home broke. He is a senior at the university.
My life is in a much more relaxed stage than in years past. So why do I still find myself moving at the fastest pace possible, feeling dragged through every day? This is the question that I have been asking myself recently. It is amazing to me that when I have questions about life, the answers usually drift through my world within a short amount of time, dangling in front of me, waiting to be discovered if I will put forth a little effort to get them.
This time the answer came in the form of an invitation from a friend to attend something called “Education Week” at the local university. You pick from a variety of classes that suit your interest. My friend was going to one called “I Am Sooo Busy” by Merilee Brown Boyac (sp?). It was very eye-opening. She taught me that I am busy doing what I CHOOSE to be busy doing. I am in charge. I decide. It is my choice. I can be purposeful about what I choose to spend my time doing, be intentional. This was a new thought to me. I assumed that I was a victim of my life; that I had no choice!
I learned to decide what is important to me. There are things I have to do, things I should do, and things I could do. If I am choosing what means the most to me, what do I choose? Clean the bathroom or read my child a book? Hmmm. Then how do you fill in all the those meaningless but somehow important things like housecleaning and cooking? Very tough questions!
I am figuring out that if I do what is most important to me first, then everything else feels like a bonus! For me, that means prayers, scripture reading and exercise first! (eating is a given!) These feel like the have-to’s and should do’s. Other have-to’s and should do’s come behind these, and feel less weighty! I am learning that throwing in a few could-do’s makes my day fun! Like reading something I am interested in for a few minutes, visiting a friend, or eating chocolate and watching TV for a few minutes as a break. Life is definitely an on-going learning experience! Here I am, nearly 50, and just figuring this out!
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