The Parts I've Lost

This is my gorgeous hanging planter before and after the first freeze of the fall.  As you can see, the cold caused a part of my planter enough stress that it wilted.   If you look closely, you will notice that part of the plant is wilted, but a large part of the plant still looks great and is doing well.

I must confess that I feel exactly like this frost-touched planter right now.  But instead of cold weather to affect me, it was that darned carbon monoxide accident, lol!  Most of me is holding up great and doing well, but I have these strange and unexpected parts that I cannot deny have wilted.  In particular:

♥My desire to garden and work in my yard, a passion and joy of mine for years. (This year I felt like I was in slow motion watching the seasons go by, first hyacinths, then daffodils, then tulips, then clematis, then roses, then rose of Sharon, then chrysanthemums.  Instead of a beautifully manicured yard, I mostly grew weeds.  That has never happened before.)

♥My desire to cook and try new recipes.  (I find I can hardly make myself think about what to make for dinner every night, and the simpler and easier the better.)

♥My desire to write. (Before my carbon monoxide accident I had so many ideas of what to write about on my blog each week that I had to keep a running list so I wouldn't forget my ideas.  Currently I have an occasional idea, and it takes me forever to get up the mental energy to sit down and write about it.  I tend to abandon my ideas part-way through writing, or not finish the blog.)

♥And lastly is my enthusiasm for goal setting and accomplishing.   I didn't do any for months after the accident, and now I have only one or two.  The intensity and drive I had before are currently MIA.

As I write this it occurs to me that the parts of me that are wilted ALL have to do with creativity - creating a beautiful yard, creating fun new meals, creative writing, and creating a better life through personal improvement.  The part of me that has wilted is creativity, and I want it back!  How can a carbon monoxide accident do that?  In researching, I can find nothing about this side effect at all.  Yet here it is.

My experience as a nurse tells me that whatever improvement a patient is able to make in the first year after any kind of accident is most likely what they will permanently have, though there are exceptions of course.  It has been 6 months.  I do desperately want these parts of myself to return and thrive as they did before.

Recently I re-did the planter by my front door with new plants for the spring.   The old ones had wilted.  (It took a lot of mental energy just to make myself do that)  I am hoping to revive the wilted parts of myself, to nurture them and coax them back to health, but if not perhaps something new can grow in its place.  Only time will tell.