You know how when you twist the lid of a soda pop bottle just a little ways it lets out a little of the pressure inside of the bottle? If you open the lid quickly the pressure may allow the contents to overflow, but when the lid is twisted slowly, pausing to release the pressure every few seconds, you are able to release all of the pressure from the soda bottle without the contents spilling out. Letting go of the past can be done in a similar manner. Our negative emotions are built up over time, and when released slowly, we can do so without spilling our contents all over and making a mess. Today's tool is called "Write and Destroy"*
To effectively use this tool, find a time each day that you can have 5-10 minutes of alone time. I know, I know, finding alone time can be nearly impossible sometimes. We are too busy, and have too many people around us. However, if you want to heal you have to get a little creative! I know you can do it!
Now, what to do with that 5-10 minutes: You will need paper and pen. (Or you can type and print if that works better for you). You are going to write about something that you are either frustrated, angry, disappointed, embarrassed, or sad about. Put your pen on the paper (or your fingers on the keys). Write, "I feel frustrated (angry, disappointed, embarrassed or sad) because....... "
Whatever comes to your mind, that is what you write. Keep writing until things stop coming to you. The thoughts that come to mind might be about the recent or distant past. Write whatever comes. This will probably take about 5-10 minutes, though you are welcome to take longer if you want to. Next, you read what you have written out loud. This is how you get those negative emotions outside of the body. You are releasing the pressure. The emotions are being released literally into the air just like the carbon dioxide in the soda bottle is released into the air when the lid is turned. Saying the words out loud literally helps release them from inside of you.
Now for the fun part! You get to destroy the paper. You watch as these written feelings are removed from existence. This can be done in a variety of ways. My personal favorite is burning the paper in a pie tin on my deck, but you can also tear up and flush your paper, shred it, put it down the garbage disposal, or any other method of destroying the paper that you can think of. The important thing is to destroy it. As the paper is being destroyed remind your brain that the negative on the paper is also being destroyed. You are letting it go. There is something symbolic and also quite literal about watching those words cease to exist that really and truly releases pressure from our beings.
The great thing about this tool is that it releases the pressure a little at a time. It is not a big emotional experience. It is a healing experience done in small doses of time and emotion. You may not even feel any differently afterward, but done consistently over time, you will be able to look back and see a cumulative difference.
I have found it the easiest to write using the acronym FADES** and follow this pattern:
Monday: Frustration
Tuesday: Anger
Wednesday: Disappointment
Thursday: Embarrassment
Friday: Sadness
Saturday and Sunday just rest:)
On Monday you write, "I feel frustrated because....." write whatever comes to mind. Then read out loud and destroy.
On Tuesday you write, "I feel angry because......" write whatever comes to mind. Then read out loud and destroy.
On Wednesday you write, "I feel disappointed because..............." You get the picture.
Follow this pattern. The five emotions make the acronym FADES, and it allows the negative emotions of the past to do just that - fade.
This tool used regularly over time allows you to release the negative pressure that is inside of you and let go of the painful feelings of the past. It is a wonderful way to let go slowly. Like I said, you will not feel any great change right off the bat, but as you continue this pattern over time you will be able to look back and see progress and healing. You will notice that you feel more emotionally healthy It is a wonderful tool!
*Term coined by Becky Edwards
**Acronym by Kirk Duncan
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