Monday, October 23, 2017

Kindness For a Kindness

My daughter Madelynn is 18 years old.  As you may know, since January of this year her mobility has steadily decreased, and her joint pain has steadily increased.  This last week the rheumatologist we have been seeing for months told us that she does not have any form of arthritis.....back to the drawing board.

Madelynn is a student at Utah Valley University.  Because of her decreasing mobility she now walks with a cane, and her movements are slow and deliberate.  One of the things that keeps her going is how kind others are to her.  She used to hate being served by others.  She likes to be independent, and to have others do things for her used to make her feel uncomfortable.  Then a very wise friend pointed out that it was a selfish way to feel, and that she was robbing others of the chance to help.  This wise friend encouraged her to accept the gifts being extended to her.  This shifted her perspective, and now she has developed a heightened awareness and gratitude for the many small acts of service that others do; things like opening her door, helping her up or down stairs, total strangers offering to carry her backpack for her.  People will walk with her at her pace and have a conversation.  She told me the other day about a mom who was sitting in the parking lot waiting for her son to come out of class.  She watched Madelynn slowly walking down the sidewalk and going down the stairs.  This wonderful mother got out of her car to ask Madelynn if she could help her.  She and her son helped my daughter down the stairs, then gave her a ride to her car, opened her car doors for her and got her safely inside before leaving.  These simple yet enormous acts of kindness help my daughter to feel loved and cared about.

Even so, it is difficult to always be served and never to serve, so recently she decided that she was going to match a kindness for a kindness every day, both in quality and intensity.  Though she cannot physically do things for other people, she realized that there is much she can do.  For example, the greeter at Walmart sees her come in on a regular basis.  He has befriended her, encouraged her and had some meaningful conversations with her.  In return for this thoughtful gesture, Madelynn has vowed to treat other people with as much kindness as she has been treated.  She has challenged herself to keep track of the nice things done to her every day and repay them in her own way before she goes to bed each night.  Many of her kindnesses come in the form of quality conversations with others.  She has taken the time to smile sincerely, give encouraging words, befriend and help those much younger than her, and teach and inspire those around her.  Kindness for a kindness has brought her greater happiness and helped her focus on making other people's day better rather than thinking about herself.

I have found myself learning from this child and striving to reach her level of awareness and giving.

Mahatma Gandi once said, "An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind."  

I wonder what a kindness for a kindness ends up making?   

I would like to invite all of us to be more aware of kindnesses being done in our behalf.  What if we were to match that kindness in our own ways each day before going to bed?  Even better, let us be the first to extend kindness.

Not only do you have the power to make the world a little better, but you will feel greater happiness and satisfaction in your own life as well.

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