Wouldn't it be nice if your life was like a fairy tale? After all, fairy tales all end happily......."and they lived happily ever after." But when you think about it, all fairy tales also have something else in common. They all have terrible things that happen to the main character.
*Snow White's mother died when she was little, and she was raised by a step-mom who hated her to the point of trying to have her killed. That must have been a hostile environment to grow up in.
*Belle, in the fairy tale Beauty and the Beast, did not have a mother, and was raised by a father in relative poverty. He and his daughter were not respected by their community, and had no support group except each other. Belle was held hostage without hope of seeing her loving father again, and she didn't even get to say goodbye!
*Cinderella's mother also died when she was very young. She was not loved by her step-mom, and when her father also died, leaving her an orphan, she was subjected to abuse and cruelty for the remainder of her growing up years.
*Rapunzel was kidnapped as a baby and raised by a woman who did not love her and only used her, keeping her isolated from society.
These do not sound like the kind of life experiences I would wish for! Each character goes through very difficult things before their lives finally get better. They each seem to stay cheerful and make the best of their difficult circumstances. And do they really live happily ever after because their lives become perfect, or do they live happily ever after because they have a new perspective due to the hard things they have been through? Maybe instead of becoming bitter about their past, they learned to see clearly and appreciate the good things they now had. It never says their lives became perfect at the end of the story, only that they were happy.
I have not been through anything even close to these sweet fairy tale characters, but I have been through some extremely difficult times in my own story (which I will spare you from outlining here). I am sure you have also been through some extremely difficult things in your life. If we truly want to have our lives be like a fairy tale, let's do as Snow White, Belle, Cinderella , Rapunzel and others did - let's have a better perspective because of the things that we have been through, and see the good things that are all around us!
My life is like a fairy tale. I live in a free country in the greatest age ever known to mankind. I have beautiful shelter, plenty of food, clean water at my fingertips, and people who love me. I am warm in the winter and cool in the summer. I have access to good medical care. I travel anywhere I like in a car that covers distance at speeds never heard of in past ages. I can instantly talk to anyone in the world instead of waiting for weeks/months for letters to go back and forth. I have access to learning just about anything I set my mind to. People around me are basically good. The beauty around me and above me is astounding when I stop to notice.
So you see, your life may really be like a fairy tale. Even though you have been through hard times in your story, you get to choose your attitude through hard things, have hope for a better future, and make your own happy ending by seeing the sweetness in your life that is all around you.
Monday, July 31, 2017
Monday, July 17, 2017
What I Learned from the Eensie Weensie Spider
I am the person who mows the lawn in our family. I love to mow the lawn. It's so rewarding to see the before and after difference every time. A few weeks ago I was mowing the lawn and I noticed occasional spider webs built right on top of the grass, something I had not really seen before. I don't really like spiders so it was somewhat satisfying to mow over these spider webs and envision the spiders being sucked up into the lawn mower. End of problem, or so I thought. The next week when I got out the lawn mower and began mowing I noticed new spider webs right where the old ones had been. Apparently I had not sucked up the spiders into the lawn mower after all. Somehow those spiders had escaped my giant cutting and sucking machine. The nursery rhyme I have known practically all my life popped in my head.
The eensie weensie spider climbed up the water spout,
Down came the rain and washed the spider out.
Up came the sun and dried up all the rain,
And the eensie weensie spider climbed up the spout again.
As I mowed I began to contemplate what the words to that nursery rhyme actually mean. I realized that the rain did not kill the spider (just as my lawn mower had not sucked it up) and though it had probably had a very unpleasant experience being washing out by the rain, (or run over by the lawn mower) the spider did not give up. Once the sun came back out (or the lawn mower passed by) that spider climbed back up the water spout to remake its web (or started a new web in the grass).
I don't know how many times the eensie weensie spider got washed out, but I have mowed over those spiders in my grass quite a few times now and they just keep surviving and rebuilding their little webs.
The lesson that occurred to me from all of this is one of not giving up, but of persevering through unpleasant and possibly even traumatic experiences to rebuild what we have lost, start over, and keep going. Though I am not thrilled at learning a life lesson from a spider, I must admit that they present a good example of what to do when the going gets tough. I have a feeling that from now on every time I see a spider web I will be reminded that I must never give up, and when the rain in life falls, or I feel run over by a lawn mower, I need to just climb back up and keep going.
The eensie weensie spider climbed up the water spout,
Down came the rain and washed the spider out.
Up came the sun and dried up all the rain,
And the eensie weensie spider climbed up the spout again.
As I mowed I began to contemplate what the words to that nursery rhyme actually mean. I realized that the rain did not kill the spider (just as my lawn mower had not sucked it up) and though it had probably had a very unpleasant experience being washing out by the rain, (or run over by the lawn mower) the spider did not give up. Once the sun came back out (or the lawn mower passed by) that spider climbed back up the water spout to remake its web (or started a new web in the grass).
I don't know how many times the eensie weensie spider got washed out, but I have mowed over those spiders in my grass quite a few times now and they just keep surviving and rebuilding their little webs.
The lesson that occurred to me from all of this is one of not giving up, but of persevering through unpleasant and possibly even traumatic experiences to rebuild what we have lost, start over, and keep going. Though I am not thrilled at learning a life lesson from a spider, I must admit that they present a good example of what to do when the going gets tough. I have a feeling that from now on every time I see a spider web I will be reminded that I must never give up, and when the rain in life falls, or I feel run over by a lawn mower, I need to just climb back up and keep going.
Monday, July 10, 2017
Letting Go of the Past - Because Papers (Tool #3 of 3)
The past could be a short as 5 minutes ago, or it could be years ago. The first tool I gave you was one you could use relatively quickly and get results. The second tool was more of a "slow release" technique. (BTW, if you missed it because of the American holiday, go back and read tool #2. I have had amazing results with it.) Tool #3 requires the most emotional work, but also yields deeper healing and understanding. This tool is for those of you who are ready to get serious about letting go of your negative feelings. It is called "Because Papers". Here is how it works:
Pick an issue that is bothering you. Write it down in as a statement with because at the end.
Here are a few examples:
"So-and-so makes me feel ________because......"
"I feel _______ because......"
"I am having a hard time forgiving so-and-so because.........."
"I can't do such-and-such because......."
It can be about anything that is bothering you and gnawing away at you inside.
After you decide on your topic and write down your statement, put your pen on the paper (or your fingers on the keyboard) and write whatever comes to your mind. You are going to write any and everything that enters your mind without analyzing it. Just write down everything that comes. No filter. You should be able to fill up at least a page by doing this emotional dump of pent-up feelings and emotions. Do not stop until you are out of things to say. Then close your notebook or put your paper away where it will not be found. Do not read over it. Do not cross things out and re-write them. Close it up and put it away for 24 hours.
On day two get your paper out and read it. As you do, you will get an idea about more to write about. It might be a different perspective. It might be additional feelings that were under the ones you had yesterday. By the time you get to the end of reading your paper, you will have an idea of what to write about on day two's paper. Begin it the same way with a because statement.
Write everything that comes to your mind. It will be different from what you wrote yesterday. Again, do not stop until you cannot think of anything else to write. Do not read over it. Do not cross things out and re-write them. Close it up and put it away for another 24 hours.
On day three get your paper out and read what you wrote the day before. Again, you will understand things more deeply as you read. You may get an "aha" moment. You may get a new perspective on what the real issue is. Whatever it is, write that as the heading for your third paper, then write everything you can about that topic.
This method helps you get down to the root of your emotions, the root of the problem, the root of the pain that you have not been able to let go of before now. Occasionally I have had to write a day or two longer, but usually three days is enough to figure it out and let it go.
Here is a personal example of mine:
At one point not so long ago, my husband and I were battling over food issues. Of course I thought he was the one with the issues, and he thought it was me. I decided to do because papers about it.
My first topic was, "I don't want my husband to claim all the Sunday dinner left-overs for his lunch because......" I wrote down everything I could think of. Boy, it felt good to get it all out! When I went back and read it the next day I had some realizations. My new statement for day two was: "I am selfish with food because......." That was a brutally honest realization, ouch! I wrote everything I could think of. Some possible solutions actually came to me, as well as a desire to be a better example to the children, and meet my husbands needs with abundance. By day three, my new topic became, "I have food issues because......" I was able to get to the root as I wrote, realizing that I had a scarcity mentality with food stemming from some extremely tight financial times when there truly was not enough. I had held on to that for a very long time, even though there was now plenty of food. Once I realized what the root of the problem was, I was able to LET IT GO! I found a new desire to live with an abundance mentality, to shower my husband and family with what they needed and wanted. It was such a freeing experience! I now feel completely differently, and it has helped the rest of my family as well. As you heal, it will also help those around you.
I have heard a couple of people complain about "hating" to write. Think about it this way: Anything worth having requires some unpleasant work. Whether it is growing a family, restoring furniture, creating something, or whatever, it all requires some unpleasant work. For example, if you love a beautiful yard you have to do the unpleasant work. Digging, weeding, fertilizing. The end results are so worth it. The yield is a beautiful yard. Anything worthwhile requires work, and some of it will be unpleasant. Keep the goal in mind. The unpleasant part of the work is WORTH THE RESULTS.
I am anxious for you to try this new tool and find healing for yourself! This method is the most work, but also yields the deepest results. Though I am not trained in psychology or counseling I have learned a few wonderful tools that help to heal. I am simply passing on those tools from others that have helped me to make amazing and healthy changes in my life. They work, and I know they work!
I have been able to heal from bad feelings towards others, long-standing grudges, personal and money issues, weight-loss issues and fear issues. I have had amazing results and so can you. It's time to let go of the past!
Pick an issue that is bothering you. Write it down in as a statement with because at the end.
Here are a few examples:
"So-and-so makes me feel ________because......"
"I feel _______ because......"
"I am having a hard time forgiving so-and-so because.........."
"I can't do such-and-such because......."
It can be about anything that is bothering you and gnawing away at you inside.
After you decide on your topic and write down your statement, put your pen on the paper (or your fingers on the keyboard) and write whatever comes to your mind. You are going to write any and everything that enters your mind without analyzing it. Just write down everything that comes. No filter. You should be able to fill up at least a page by doing this emotional dump of pent-up feelings and emotions. Do not stop until you are out of things to say. Then close your notebook or put your paper away where it will not be found. Do not read over it. Do not cross things out and re-write them. Close it up and put it away for 24 hours.
On day two get your paper out and read it. As you do, you will get an idea about more to write about. It might be a different perspective. It might be additional feelings that were under the ones you had yesterday. By the time you get to the end of reading your paper, you will have an idea of what to write about on day two's paper. Begin it the same way with a because statement.
Write everything that comes to your mind. It will be different from what you wrote yesterday. Again, do not stop until you cannot think of anything else to write. Do not read over it. Do not cross things out and re-write them. Close it up and put it away for another 24 hours.
On day three get your paper out and read what you wrote the day before. Again, you will understand things more deeply as you read. You may get an "aha" moment. You may get a new perspective on what the real issue is. Whatever it is, write that as the heading for your third paper, then write everything you can about that topic.
This method helps you get down to the root of your emotions, the root of the problem, the root of the pain that you have not been able to let go of before now. Occasionally I have had to write a day or two longer, but usually three days is enough to figure it out and let it go.
Here is a personal example of mine:
At one point not so long ago, my husband and I were battling over food issues. Of course I thought he was the one with the issues, and he thought it was me. I decided to do because papers about it.
My first topic was, "I don't want my husband to claim all the Sunday dinner left-overs for his lunch because......" I wrote down everything I could think of. Boy, it felt good to get it all out! When I went back and read it the next day I had some realizations. My new statement for day two was: "I am selfish with food because......." That was a brutally honest realization, ouch! I wrote everything I could think of. Some possible solutions actually came to me, as well as a desire to be a better example to the children, and meet my husbands needs with abundance. By day three, my new topic became, "I have food issues because......" I was able to get to the root as I wrote, realizing that I had a scarcity mentality with food stemming from some extremely tight financial times when there truly was not enough. I had held on to that for a very long time, even though there was now plenty of food. Once I realized what the root of the problem was, I was able to LET IT GO! I found a new desire to live with an abundance mentality, to shower my husband and family with what they needed and wanted. It was such a freeing experience! I now feel completely differently, and it has helped the rest of my family as well. As you heal, it will also help those around you.
I have heard a couple of people complain about "hating" to write. Think about it this way: Anything worth having requires some unpleasant work. Whether it is growing a family, restoring furniture, creating something, or whatever, it all requires some unpleasant work. For example, if you love a beautiful yard you have to do the unpleasant work. Digging, weeding, fertilizing. The end results are so worth it. The yield is a beautiful yard. Anything worthwhile requires work, and some of it will be unpleasant. Keep the goal in mind. The unpleasant part of the work is WORTH THE RESULTS.
I am anxious for you to try this new tool and find healing for yourself! This method is the most work, but also yields the deepest results. Though I am not trained in psychology or counseling I have learned a few wonderful tools that help to heal. I am simply passing on those tools from others that have helped me to make amazing and healthy changes in my life. They work, and I know they work!
I have been able to heal from bad feelings towards others, long-standing grudges, personal and money issues, weight-loss issues and fear issues. I have had amazing results and so can you. It's time to let go of the past!
Monday, July 3, 2017
Letting Go of the Past, (Tool #2 of 3)
Letting go of the past is never easy. Some things are easier to let go of than others. Today's tool is one that allows you to "slow release" negative feelings from the past.
You know how when you twist the lid of a soda pop bottle just a little ways it lets out a little of the pressure inside of the bottle? If you open the lid quickly the pressure may allow the contents to overflow, but when the lid is twisted slowly, pausing to release the pressure every few seconds, you are able to release all of the pressure from the soda bottle without the contents spilling out. Letting go of the past can be done in a similar manner. Our negative emotions are built up over time, and when released slowly, we can do so without spilling our contents all over and making a mess. Today's tool is called "Write and Destroy"*
To effectively use this tool, find a time each day that you can have 5-10 minutes of alone time. I know, I know, finding alone time can be nearly impossible sometimes. We are too busy, and have too many people around us. However, if you want to heal you have to get a little creative! I know you can do it!
Now, what to do with that 5-10 minutes: You will need paper and pen. (Or you can type and print if that works better for you). You are going to write about something that you are either frustrated, angry, disappointed, embarrassed, or sad about. Put your pen on the paper (or your fingers on the keys). Write, "I feel frustrated (angry, disappointed, embarrassed or sad) because....... "
Whatever comes to your mind, that is what you write. Keep writing until things stop coming to you. The thoughts that come to mind might be about the recent or distant past. Write whatever comes. This will probably take about 5-10 minutes, though you are welcome to take longer if you want to. Next, you read what you have written out loud. This is how you get those negative emotions outside of the body. You are releasing the pressure. The emotions are being released literally into the air just like the carbon dioxide in the soda bottle is released into the air when the lid is turned. Saying the words out loud literally helps release them from inside of you.
Now for the fun part! You get to destroy the paper. You watch as these written feelings are removed from existence. This can be done in a variety of ways. My personal favorite is burning the paper in a pie tin on my deck, but you can also tear up and flush your paper, shred it, put it down the garbage disposal, or any other method of destroying the paper that you can think of. The important thing is to destroy it. As the paper is being destroyed remind your brain that the negative on the paper is also being destroyed. You are letting it go. There is something symbolic and also quite literal about watching those words cease to exist that really and truly releases pressure from our beings.
The great thing about this tool is that it releases the pressure a little at a time. It is not a big emotional experience. It is a healing experience done in small doses of time and emotion. You may not even feel any differently afterward, but done consistently over time, you will be able to look back and see a cumulative difference.
I have found it the easiest to write using the acronym FADES** and follow this pattern:
Monday: Frustration
Tuesday: Anger
Wednesday: Disappointment
Thursday: Embarrassment
Friday: Sadness
Saturday and Sunday just rest:)
On Monday you write, "I feel frustrated because....." write whatever comes to mind. Then read out loud and destroy.
On Tuesday you write, "I feel angry because......" write whatever comes to mind. Then read out loud and destroy.
On Wednesday you write, "I feel disappointed because..............." You get the picture.
Follow this pattern. The five emotions make the acronym FADES, and it allows the negative emotions of the past to do just that - fade.
This tool used regularly over time allows you to release the negative pressure that is inside of you and let go of the painful feelings of the past. It is a wonderful way to let go slowly. Like I said, you will not feel any great change right off the bat, but as you continue this pattern over time you will be able to look back and see progress and healing. You will notice that you feel more emotionally healthy It is a wonderful tool!
*Term coined by Becky Edwards
**Acronym by Kirk Duncan
You know how when you twist the lid of a soda pop bottle just a little ways it lets out a little of the pressure inside of the bottle? If you open the lid quickly the pressure may allow the contents to overflow, but when the lid is twisted slowly, pausing to release the pressure every few seconds, you are able to release all of the pressure from the soda bottle without the contents spilling out. Letting go of the past can be done in a similar manner. Our negative emotions are built up over time, and when released slowly, we can do so without spilling our contents all over and making a mess. Today's tool is called "Write and Destroy"*
To effectively use this tool, find a time each day that you can have 5-10 minutes of alone time. I know, I know, finding alone time can be nearly impossible sometimes. We are too busy, and have too many people around us. However, if you want to heal you have to get a little creative! I know you can do it!
Now, what to do with that 5-10 minutes: You will need paper and pen. (Or you can type and print if that works better for you). You are going to write about something that you are either frustrated, angry, disappointed, embarrassed, or sad about. Put your pen on the paper (or your fingers on the keys). Write, "I feel frustrated (angry, disappointed, embarrassed or sad) because....... "
Whatever comes to your mind, that is what you write. Keep writing until things stop coming to you. The thoughts that come to mind might be about the recent or distant past. Write whatever comes. This will probably take about 5-10 minutes, though you are welcome to take longer if you want to. Next, you read what you have written out loud. This is how you get those negative emotions outside of the body. You are releasing the pressure. The emotions are being released literally into the air just like the carbon dioxide in the soda bottle is released into the air when the lid is turned. Saying the words out loud literally helps release them from inside of you.
Now for the fun part! You get to destroy the paper. You watch as these written feelings are removed from existence. This can be done in a variety of ways. My personal favorite is burning the paper in a pie tin on my deck, but you can also tear up and flush your paper, shred it, put it down the garbage disposal, or any other method of destroying the paper that you can think of. The important thing is to destroy it. As the paper is being destroyed remind your brain that the negative on the paper is also being destroyed. You are letting it go. There is something symbolic and also quite literal about watching those words cease to exist that really and truly releases pressure from our beings.
The great thing about this tool is that it releases the pressure a little at a time. It is not a big emotional experience. It is a healing experience done in small doses of time and emotion. You may not even feel any differently afterward, but done consistently over time, you will be able to look back and see a cumulative difference.
I have found it the easiest to write using the acronym FADES** and follow this pattern:
Monday: Frustration
Tuesday: Anger
Wednesday: Disappointment
Thursday: Embarrassment
Friday: Sadness
Saturday and Sunday just rest:)
On Monday you write, "I feel frustrated because....." write whatever comes to mind. Then read out loud and destroy.
On Tuesday you write, "I feel angry because......" write whatever comes to mind. Then read out loud and destroy.
On Wednesday you write, "I feel disappointed because..............." You get the picture.
Follow this pattern. The five emotions make the acronym FADES, and it allows the negative emotions of the past to do just that - fade.
This tool used regularly over time allows you to release the negative pressure that is inside of you and let go of the painful feelings of the past. It is a wonderful way to let go slowly. Like I said, you will not feel any great change right off the bat, but as you continue this pattern over time you will be able to look back and see progress and healing. You will notice that you feel more emotionally healthy It is a wonderful tool!
*Term coined by Becky Edwards
**Acronym by Kirk Duncan
Monday, June 26, 2017
Letting Go of the Past, (Tool #1 of 3)
This is the first in a series of three articles on how to let go of the past. Ironically enough (or not), the minute I started thinking about writing this article, I started feeling annoyed and offended with some of the people in my life who mean the most to me. I guess I needed a little practicum on what I know to be true!
Today I am going to share with you one of the three tools I use in letting go of the past. Each of these three tools works well for letting go of different types of things, and all are valuable.
The first tool is called "Finishing the conversation".* Have you ever had things you wanted to say to someone but couldn't or shouldn't for whatever reason? These unsaid things stay inside of you and take energy to keep inside of you, but they are not good for you. Sometimes saying them to the person is not good either, so what can you do? You do need to get your words out, to say them aloud in order for them to be released from inside of you and stop taking your energy. Here is how to do it without hurting anyone else, but allowing yourself to heal:
You need to be somewhere where NO ONE else can hear you. For me, most often this is in the car while I am driving with the windows rolled up. It can also be alone in your house, out in a field with no one around, or anywhere you can be alone. Imagine that the person you need to talk to is there with you. You are going to talk to their image, as though they were there. You ask the image of this person if you may tell them how you feel. You imagine that they say "yes". You then say everything that is inside of you, and I mean EVERYTHING that you want to say to them. There is no need to sugar coat anything, just say it how it is. You can rant, rave and yell if needed. Get all of it out in your words, leave nothing unsaid.
Once you have done that, take a deep breath and sit quietly for a moment. Now for the hard part: you next apologize for your negative feelings, and for pointing your negative energy at them. Yes, I know it's all their fault. You were the one wronged. I get that. You are not apologizing for anything that they did. You are not apologizing for something you did not do. You are simply apologizing for having negative feelings towards them; that is your part. Of course, if there is more to it than than, by all means apologize for that as well. You then imagine that they forgive you for your negative feelings. You then imagine that they leave. At this point, if you have a higher power, it is also important to address that higher power and apologize for your negative feelings in that way as well.
You will find as you do this exercise that it is somewhat like throwing up. You get the bad stuff out of you, you get it outside of your body, and you walk away feeling better and more emotionally healthy. The negative is no longer with you making you "sick" and taking your energy. It is gone. (I have found a time or two with really hard feelings that I thought I was done after one time, only to find later that I had more to say and had to repeat this exercise more than once for the same issue, and that is totally fine. The goal is to get it all out without emotionally throwing up on the real person, although perhaps you would like to, JK!)
I encourage you to think about who you have an unfinished conversation with and try this exercise today in order to let go of the past and be a happier you!
*"Anchors Away", CD by Kirk Duncan
Today I am going to share with you one of the three tools I use in letting go of the past. Each of these three tools works well for letting go of different types of things, and all are valuable.
The first tool is called "Finishing the conversation".* Have you ever had things you wanted to say to someone but couldn't or shouldn't for whatever reason? These unsaid things stay inside of you and take energy to keep inside of you, but they are not good for you. Sometimes saying them to the person is not good either, so what can you do? You do need to get your words out, to say them aloud in order for them to be released from inside of you and stop taking your energy. Here is how to do it without hurting anyone else, but allowing yourself to heal:
You need to be somewhere where NO ONE else can hear you. For me, most often this is in the car while I am driving with the windows rolled up. It can also be alone in your house, out in a field with no one around, or anywhere you can be alone. Imagine that the person you need to talk to is there with you. You are going to talk to their image, as though they were there. You ask the image of this person if you may tell them how you feel. You imagine that they say "yes". You then say everything that is inside of you, and I mean EVERYTHING that you want to say to them. There is no need to sugar coat anything, just say it how it is. You can rant, rave and yell if needed. Get all of it out in your words, leave nothing unsaid.
Once you have done that, take a deep breath and sit quietly for a moment. Now for the hard part: you next apologize for your negative feelings, and for pointing your negative energy at them. Yes, I know it's all their fault. You were the one wronged. I get that. You are not apologizing for anything that they did. You are not apologizing for something you did not do. You are simply apologizing for having negative feelings towards them; that is your part. Of course, if there is more to it than than, by all means apologize for that as well. You then imagine that they forgive you for your negative feelings. You then imagine that they leave. At this point, if you have a higher power, it is also important to address that higher power and apologize for your negative feelings in that way as well.
You will find as you do this exercise that it is somewhat like throwing up. You get the bad stuff out of you, you get it outside of your body, and you walk away feeling better and more emotionally healthy. The negative is no longer with you making you "sick" and taking your energy. It is gone. (I have found a time or two with really hard feelings that I thought I was done after one time, only to find later that I had more to say and had to repeat this exercise more than once for the same issue, and that is totally fine. The goal is to get it all out without emotionally throwing up on the real person, although perhaps you would like to, JK!)
I encourage you to think about who you have an unfinished conversation with and try this exercise today in order to let go of the past and be a happier you!
*"Anchors Away", CD by Kirk Duncan
Wednesday, June 21, 2017
Upgrade Your Brain
Today I heard a great analogy about how to change your brain. Just like with your home, before you can move something new in, you often have to get the old out; a bed, a couch, chairs, a table. When you are ready to upgrade to something new and better you have to get the old out first. It is the same with our minds. When we are ready to upgrade to better thoughts, new ways of looking at life, a better way of doing things, we must first get the old out. This allows space for something new and better.
Have you ever been around someone who particularly impressed you? Maybe they were very intellectual. Maybe they were very confident. Maybe they were very happy and positive. Maybe they were very deep thinking. You have the ability to move in that same direction by clearing out space and making room for something new and better.
Marelisa Fabrega, author of the blog "Daring to Live Fully" gives 10 ways to clear out space in your mind. (Warning, do not try to implement all 10 today! Just pick one thing. When you feel comfortable with that, pick another. This is not a marathon.)
1. Declutter your physical space. Physical clutter leads to mental clutter. There is a definite connection here. As you clean out your physical space you will actually feel differently, lighter, more open.
2. Write it down. You don't need to keep everything in your brain. It takes a lot of mental energy to keep it all upstairs. Use a device or good old fashioned paper and pen to keep some of that information somewhere else, thus freeing up mental space and energy.
3. Keep a journal. This mental exercise helps you to get out of your brain and onto paper (or screen as the case may be) things you are worried about, hopes, dreams, frustrations. Often in the writing down of things in a journal I have had "aha" moments, or figured things out that I had not been able to before. It's like therapy that you give yourself.
4. Let go of the past. It actually takes a tremendous amount of energy to hold onto negative from your past. You won't realize it until you let it go, then all of a sudden you feel more light and free, and you wonder why you waited so long! I could write a whole series of articles devoted to tools on how to let go of the past. Tune in next week for a few ideas on how to do this.
5. Stop multi-tasking. Just as it is most effective to tackle one room or one pile at a time, so it is with our minds. Focus on one thing at a time and do it well. This keeps your mind from being scattered in too many directions at once, like a pile of clutter of which you never get to the bottom.
6. Limit the amount of trivial information coming in. Ask yourself this question, "Do I feel like I am losing time to any kind of social media? Online sites? News programs? Other? If so, decide how to limit your exposure to this information. Doing so will also limit the time your brain spends processing it, thus freeing up space for meaningful things that you choose.
7. Be decisive. I once had an employer that would put off decisions until the lack of making a decision was in and of itself a decision, and not usually the one she would have chosen. Lay out your options and make a choice. Then it can stop weighing on your brain. Using your higher power for tough decisions can be a great benefit in helping you to feel good about the decisions you make.
8. Put routine decisions on auto-pilot. In other words, form habits to decrease the amount of brain space you spend on things that are repetitive. For instance, I have a morning routine that I follow each weekday. It includes meditation time, breakfast and going to the gym. I do the same thing every morning. It is a HABIT. I do not have to decide every morning whether or not I am going to go to the gym. I just do it. It frees up space and energy inside of me.
9. Prioritize. Decide on the top 1-3 things that are the most essential in your day. These may or may not be tasks. It is whatever is the most important to you. Ask yourself, "If I could only do one thing today, what would it be?" That helps narrow it down considerably. Often my first priority is relationship oriented rather than task oriented, something I have upgraded in my brain.
10. Meditate. This can take as little as 10 minutes per day, but can be very refreshing or cleansing, like a cool quick shower when you are hot and sweaty. It just refreshes you and give clarity to your mind.
For Marelisa's full article on this topic, go to https://daringtolivefully.com/declutter-your-mind
As you use the tools to clear space in your brain, you now have room that can be filled with whatever you choose to fill it with. Just as you would carefully choose a new piece of furniture for your house, it is wise to also carefully choose how to fill that space inside of you. There is much to choose from that is good and wonderful. What do you want to put inside of you? Give yourself an upgrade!
Have you ever been around someone who particularly impressed you? Maybe they were very intellectual. Maybe they were very confident. Maybe they were very happy and positive. Maybe they were very deep thinking. You have the ability to move in that same direction by clearing out space and making room for something new and better.
Marelisa Fabrega, author of the blog "Daring to Live Fully" gives 10 ways to clear out space in your mind. (Warning, do not try to implement all 10 today! Just pick one thing. When you feel comfortable with that, pick another. This is not a marathon.)
1. Declutter your physical space. Physical clutter leads to mental clutter. There is a definite connection here. As you clean out your physical space you will actually feel differently, lighter, more open.
2. Write it down. You don't need to keep everything in your brain. It takes a lot of mental energy to keep it all upstairs. Use a device or good old fashioned paper and pen to keep some of that information somewhere else, thus freeing up mental space and energy.
3. Keep a journal. This mental exercise helps you to get out of your brain and onto paper (or screen as the case may be) things you are worried about, hopes, dreams, frustrations. Often in the writing down of things in a journal I have had "aha" moments, or figured things out that I had not been able to before. It's like therapy that you give yourself.
4. Let go of the past. It actually takes a tremendous amount of energy to hold onto negative from your past. You won't realize it until you let it go, then all of a sudden you feel more light and free, and you wonder why you waited so long! I could write a whole series of articles devoted to tools on how to let go of the past. Tune in next week for a few ideas on how to do this.
5. Stop multi-tasking. Just as it is most effective to tackle one room or one pile at a time, so it is with our minds. Focus on one thing at a time and do it well. This keeps your mind from being scattered in too many directions at once, like a pile of clutter of which you never get to the bottom.
6. Limit the amount of trivial information coming in. Ask yourself this question, "Do I feel like I am losing time to any kind of social media? Online sites? News programs? Other? If so, decide how to limit your exposure to this information. Doing so will also limit the time your brain spends processing it, thus freeing up space for meaningful things that you choose.
7. Be decisive. I once had an employer that would put off decisions until the lack of making a decision was in and of itself a decision, and not usually the one she would have chosen. Lay out your options and make a choice. Then it can stop weighing on your brain. Using your higher power for tough decisions can be a great benefit in helping you to feel good about the decisions you make.
8. Put routine decisions on auto-pilot. In other words, form habits to decrease the amount of brain space you spend on things that are repetitive. For instance, I have a morning routine that I follow each weekday. It includes meditation time, breakfast and going to the gym. I do the same thing every morning. It is a HABIT. I do not have to decide every morning whether or not I am going to go to the gym. I just do it. It frees up space and energy inside of me.
9. Prioritize. Decide on the top 1-3 things that are the most essential in your day. These may or may not be tasks. It is whatever is the most important to you. Ask yourself, "If I could only do one thing today, what would it be?" That helps narrow it down considerably. Often my first priority is relationship oriented rather than task oriented, something I have upgraded in my brain.
10. Meditate. This can take as little as 10 minutes per day, but can be very refreshing or cleansing, like a cool quick shower when you are hot and sweaty. It just refreshes you and give clarity to your mind.
For Marelisa's full article on this topic, go to https://daringtolivefully.com/declutter-your-mind
As you use the tools to clear space in your brain, you now have room that can be filled with whatever you choose to fill it with. Just as you would carefully choose a new piece of furniture for your house, it is wise to also carefully choose how to fill that space inside of you. There is much to choose from that is good and wonderful. What do you want to put inside of you? Give yourself an upgrade!
Monday, June 5, 2017
What is your WHY?
Michelle Gilbert had a goal to learn something new every year. In 2008 she decided to learn how to make bread at the suggestion of her sister in order to help support her two boys in their missionary service for the church they belong to. She had lots of wheat stored in the garage as well as a good supply of other ingredients needed for bread making. At first she gave her bread away to the neighbors. Soon she began selling it to them. Before long she was making sweet breads and other baked items for weddings and other events. Before she knew it she was getting up at 3:00 a.m. every morning and baking about 60 loaves of bread per day in addition to other baked goods. The project had become huge! After paying for a total of four years of missionary service for her two sons she decided to close her in-home business.
In 2014 she went to work for a marketing company. One day she was in a work meeting when a question was posed to the group: "What is your WHY? Why do you get up in the morning?" Michelle says it hit her that her "WHY" was not marketing. In discussing the question later with her husband he pointed out that she had loved having a bakery, so why didn't she do that? Michelle realized that she indeed did love baking, and it was the WHY that she wanted to get up for in the morning. That is when the idea for "Vanilla Bean" was born. Michelle decided to open a bakery, not run it out of her home. She had a vision of exactly what it would look like, how it would be run, and what would be offered. She set about to make her vision a reality, and that is just what she did.
When Michelle had trouble finding the decor she was looking for she decided to build much of it herself. She built everything from the cabinet that the soda fountain dispenser sits on to the artwork on the walls to the big barn door into the kitchen.
Michelle worked to make everything about The Vanilla Bean the fresh and inviting bakery you encounter when you enter its doors.
Michelle says that making this successful bakery a reality is probably the hardest thing she has ever done because she did not know how to do it. She had to go through an intense learning period that was difficult and stressful. But she got her WHY. She now knows WHY she gets up in the morning. About her bakery she says, "I walk in here in the mornings and it feels good. I feel good because I didn't quit. Keep at it and don't give up. Keep going, keep trying. If there is something you want to do, keep trying! I feel good because I did this!"
What is your WHY? Why do you get up in the morning? What motivates you? What are you passionate about that is worth doing each day? Don't be afraid to go after your dreams and do hard things. Figure out your WHY and make it happen.
In 2014 she went to work for a marketing company. One day she was in a work meeting when a question was posed to the group: "What is your WHY? Why do you get up in the morning?" Michelle says it hit her that her "WHY" was not marketing. In discussing the question later with her husband he pointed out that she had loved having a bakery, so why didn't she do that? Michelle realized that she indeed did love baking, and it was the WHY that she wanted to get up for in the morning. That is when the idea for "Vanilla Bean" was born. Michelle decided to open a bakery, not run it out of her home. She had a vision of exactly what it would look like, how it would be run, and what would be offered. She set about to make her vision a reality, and that is just what she did.
When Michelle had trouble finding the decor she was looking for she decided to build much of it herself. She built everything from the cabinet that the soda fountain dispenser sits on to the artwork on the walls to the big barn door into the kitchen.
Michelle says that making this successful bakery a reality is probably the hardest thing she has ever done because she did not know how to do it. She had to go through an intense learning period that was difficult and stressful. But she got her WHY. She now knows WHY she gets up in the morning. About her bakery she says, "I walk in here in the mornings and it feels good. I feel good because I didn't quit. Keep at it and don't give up. Keep going, keep trying. If there is something you want to do, keep trying! I feel good because I did this!"
What is your WHY? Why do you get up in the morning? What motivates you? What are you passionate about that is worth doing each day? Don't be afraid to go after your dreams and do hard things. Figure out your WHY and make it happen.
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