What My Birthday Present Taught Me...

 For my birthday this year my son gave me a beautiful philodendron-looking plant.  I had never seen anything like it.  The leaves are a mixture of lime green and dark green, each leaf having a different pattern.  No two are exactly alike.  Even though many leaves are on one stem, each leaf uses the two variations of color in a different way.  Seeing all the different leaves together is really quite stunning.

One day I was sitting next to this plant.  While I munched my lunch I studied the leaves.  I marveled at their variation and beauty.  Then it struck me, this plant is a metaphor for all of us!  Take my family, for instance, all seven of my children come from the same "stem", same mother and father, yet each child is unique, and uses their blend of DNA and traits in a different way.  If you think about it, I am sure your family is the same way.  

If we stand back further, we can see that every person on earth has their own exclusive variation, just like the leaves on my plant.  Each is unique.  Each is beautiful.  So why should we seem surprised when others seem different from us?  Why should we be surprised when others think differently, respond differently, have a different opinion, dress differently, believe differently, and do things differently?

Instead of being surprised and sometimes not happy about it, perhaps seeing the difference in each other, and how together we make something stunning and wonderful would be better instead. Let us marvel at each other's variation and beauty.  Individually and together, we are stunning!

You Can Adjust

 We have a road near my house that narrows from two lanes to one.  The right lane ends, with a warning "merge" sign.  I drive up this road frequently.  It has been interesting to watch how different people respond to this merge.  Some people signal, find an opening and merge in, as directed.  Others speed up and merge.  Others force their way in, occasionally pushing the person in the continuing lane into the center strip if they don't want to play bumper cars.  

I used to get annoyed when people didn't drive by the rules, but what I finally came to realize is that I cannot control what other people do.  I can't change them.  I can't fix them.  I can't control them.  The only person I can control is myself.  I am learning how to adjust when others act in unexpected ways.

Adjusting to those around you can be a wonderful thing!  Instead of being frustrated that the person who is supposed to merge is pushing me out of my lane, I can slow down and let them in.  Yes, they may be being a jerk, but I can't control them, remember?  I can only control me.  I remind myself that I just did my good deed for the day.  I can't know why people do what they do.  But I can adjust, and I feel better when I do. Imagine how wonderful it feels to not let other people have the power to ruffle your feathers.  (Yes, I do realize you are not a bird.)

This is not only true for driving, it is also true for all aspects of life.  Just as we may be surrounded by cars on a road, we are also surrounded by people everywhere we go, likely even in our own home.  

I cannot change, fix or control anyone else.  I may not know why someone else does things differently than I would.  But I do have control over one very big element - myself!  I can choose to be calm, patient and understanding.  I can choose to steer clear.  I can choose to get upset and frustrated.  It's my choice.  I get to choose how to adjust, and so do you.  So next time someone cuts you off, remember that your response is truly your choice.

 

P.S. I used to feel like it wasn't my choice how to adjust.  I spent all my time reacting instead.  If you feel like this is an issue for you, my upcoming class on Emotional Management could be just the thing!

Heart-Shaped Rocks

 My next door neighbor was an avid outdoorist.  Whenever she was out wandering around in nature she would look for heart-shaped rocks.  She often brought these rocks home to add to her wonderful collection.  My children liked it so much that whenever they found a rock in a heart shape, they would take it to her.  Eventually this wonderful neighbor moved away.  When she did, she gave me a heart rock to remember her by.  I set it in a special place in my yard.  It made my heart happy, so I began searching for heart rocks of my own.  At first they were quite hard to find.  I felt like I was hunting for a four-leaf clover.  On the rare occasion I would find one I was overjoyed!  I would take it home and set it next to the one my neighbor gave me.  Eventually I had a nice little collection.  

I've always liked rocks.  I have a beautiful rock wall in my backyard, and have brought in larger rocks to set throughout my flower beds as well.  One day I noticed that some of these rocks had heart shapes as well.  What a discovery!  I had never noticed them before.  

I decided to play a little game with my grandchildren when they came over for a BBQ the next week.  I had identified 14 heart-shaped rocks.  We divided the grandkids into 2 teams, each with a camera, and gave them a time limit.  Whomever could find the most heart-shaped rocks in the time period would win.  I knew there were 14, and I was anxious to see how many they could find.  The most surprising thing happened. My grandchildren started identifying hearts in rocks that I had not seen, or that I still did not quite see.  I decided whatever they thought was heart-shaped would count. In the end, we added up all the rock pictures for each team.  Shockingly, they each had 43 rocks.  "I certainly have creative grandchildren" I thought.  In the weeks that followed, I kept mulling over how they saw hearts where I didn't.  

It just so happens, that I walk past a section of  rock landscaping on my way in to work each morning.  I decided to look for hearts there.  At first I could identify one or two, but as the days went by I began to see more and more, until now, I see hearts nearly everywhere I look while walking past those rocks!  What changed?  

Our mind gets focused on something, and suddenly that is what we see everywhere.  Have you ever gotten a new car, and suddenly you see your car everywhere? Or you are pregnant, and suddenly everyone seems pregnant?  That is what happened with the rocks.  My mind started "seeing" them. 

This is true for many other things in life as well, including "seeing" the positive or negative of any given situation, having gratitude or being disgruntled about a circumstance, appreciating the good or being irritated by an individual, "seeing" the good in the world or overwhelmed by the hard things our world is experiencing right now.  

Pretty much you are going to see what you are looking for.  What are you looking for?  Do you mostly notice the negative in a child or spouse?  The people driving around you on the road? What you don't like about your job? etc.  What if you were to actively "look" for the positive in your child or spouse?  What if you were to notice the gracious drivers on the road? What if you were to actively look for what you DO like about your job?  How would this make your life better?

Seeing the good, the beautiful, and the positive around you may feel like looking for a four-leaf clover at first, and it may not change your circumstance, but it will change who you are inside.  It will change how you feel.  It will lead you to peace, joy and contentment, and THAT changes everything.

Connect with me more at imlivinginjoy@gmail.com

Getting Out of Overwhelm

 I was feeling overwhelmed.  Every day my time was stretched so thin that I was starting to hyperventilate inside.  I had no idea how I was going to accomplish everything that I had committed to and was expected of me.  I knew that something had to give, I just didn't know what.

Then the idea came.  It was so simple I almost didn't do it.  The idea was to write a declaration that said,  "I have time to do everything I want."   

The first time I looked in the mirror and said out loud, "I have time to do everything I want" I INSTANTLY felt a relief of tension.  I felt a little lighter, a little better, a little less stressed and overwhelmed.  I was quite surprised at how just saying it (regardless of whether it was true in the moment) affected me.  I guess I had nothing to lose, so I tried it again the next day, and the next, and the next.  The most astonishing thing started to happen.  I started feeling differently.  I didn't feel overwhelmed, and I actually was getting everything done that I needed to do....and more!  How was this possible?  Had my situation changed? No.  Did I have less stuff to do and be responsible for? No.  Yet, here I was in the exact same situation, but feeling completely different AND actually feeling good about what I was accomplishing.  It felt great! I felt on top of things!  What had actually changed?  Was it magic?  No, but it felt magical, lol!

Do you do declarations?  Some people call them mantras or affirmations.  It's all the same basic idea.  It's a positive statement that you repeat frequently to yourself.  I have done them before, but this experience was more instant, perhaps because of how desperate I was feeling.

Here's what happens:  Creating a mental image activates many of the same brain areas that actually experiencing these situations would.  Regular repetition of positive statements can encourage your brain to take these statements as fact.  When you truly believe you can do something, your actions often follow.  In other words, it's helpful to give your brain instructions.  Declarations give your brain instructions!

Think about it, did your brain automatically know how to tie a shoe when you were little?  No, you had to teach it.  It's the same idea with declarations.  We have to teach our brain what we want it to do....and then it does it!  The brain is pretty amazing.  

I encourage you to give it a try.  Pick one thing you want to be better or different in your life and make a positive statement as though it has already happened.  (Remember, it doesn't have to be true in the moment.)  Then say it out loud every day and see what happens!  

P.S.  I am getting ready to start a course on emotional management.  It could be a great fit for you!  Contact me at shireebest@yahoo.com if you want more information.

20/20 in 2020!

This short 20-minute training will help you focus on how to get greater clarity for 2020!  Take 20 minutes for 20/20 vision for 2020!  ♥  It's going to be a great year!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5N3EFu5Y0tU

The Blessing of Thanksgiving

Did you know that Abraham Lincoln instituted Thanksgiving as a national holiday?  Did you know that Thanksgiving was first observed as an official holiday in 1863, right in the middle of the Civil War?  It seems that while the country was in the midst of a horrible dividing conflict, a wise president had the insight to institute a holiday that encouraged people to remember all they had to be thankful for, something that may have been very hard at the time.

President Lincoln couldn't possibly have known what modern studies show, that feeling gratitude actually helps us feel better.  One particular study showed that writing daily gratitude in a journal made a difference in both emotional and physical well being, something that would have made a big difference in the middle of a national crisis.

I have found that while gratitude doesn't change anything, it actually changes everything.  Being grateful doesn't change your circumstances, but it changes how you feel in your circumstances.  It makes you more positive, happy and content.  This ultimately can help you change your circumstances.

At this time we are going through a somewhat different kind of national crisis than in Abraham Lincoln's time, a crisis that hurts my heart from all sides.  In addition, many people in our nation are suffering from personal hardships of their own.  A wise man once said that if you treat those you interact with as if they were in serious trouble, you will be right more than half the time.  Many go through unseen trials, invisible to the public eye.  Abraham Lincoln was onto something valuable when he proclaimed a national day of Thanksgiving.

As with any gift, the amount of benefit you get depends entirely on you.  This Thanksgiving you may choose to enjoy the day off, and eat delicious foods prepared by you or others...... or you may take it a step further and add listing those things you are thankful for......... or you make take the opportunity to start a journal of daily things you are grateful for, considering the ways your life is blessed.  You may even choose to give thanks to your Higher Power for the good things in your life. 

Thanksgiving itself is a gift, an opportunity to think about and contemplate the good things in life.  May each of us use that gift to the extent we choose, and may we each see the many good things our life in this country contains.

Imprints

When you think about someone walking across a sandy beach barefooted, you can almost see the imprints of their feet left in the sand behind them.  You may have a sweet memory of making imprints of snow angels in the fresh snow, or of imprinting your fingers into soft play dough.  These are physical imprints.

There is another kind of imprint, the kind you can't see. These are the prints that are made on one's soul.  These can be positive or negative imprints, but they make a mark on us that stays with us.  If we could visualize our souls, we would see that all of our experiences leave imprints on us that affect us in some way. 

Many years ago when I had a house full of little children our washing machine broke down.  It wasn't fixable, and we had no money to replace it.  My generous neighbor across the street offered to let us use her laundry room one day a week......for as long as we needed.  Her laundry room was right inside her garage door, and she left her garage door up every Monday so that I could walk through her garage to do my laundry.  It was a real life saver.  I did this for months until we could afford a new one.  I have never forgotten that kindness.  It made a permanent imprint on my soul.  That experienced changed me. 

Another neighbor would use a blower every fall to blow all the leaves from our road, gutters and sidewalks onto our lawns.  She didn't just blow the leaves in front of her own house, but all of the houses around her as well.  She made it easy for us just mow up the leaves from our grass, and our street looked well manicured.  She performed this act of kindness for all of us for many years until she moved away.  The imprint this left on me has instilled a desire to be aware of the needs of those around me, and help in ways that I can.

Another imprint came when I came home at dinner-time after a hectic day of taking care of little ones, driving carpool, parent-teacher conferences and transporting children to far away dance classes that ended at dinnertime, then fighting traffic to get home.  I walked in the door exhausted with my hungry children and wondered what I could make for dinner.  There, sitting on my counter, almost to my disbelief, was a beautiful casserole and a basket of rolls.  I literally had to touch it to make sure I was not hallucinating.  Not only was I not hallucinating, but it was still hot!  I later found out it came from a neighbor a few streets over who had made double and thought of me.  Her timing was unbelievable.  That meal, on the busiest of days, left an imprint on my soul that will never be forgotten.

We all have the ability to leave positive as well as negative imprints on each others souls.  I pray that in our efforts to make the world a better place we seek to leave positive imprints on all those around us, and on our own families most of all.