For as long as I can remember I have been deathly afraid of bees and spiders. I have almost gotten in accidents several times because of a bee or spider. (and when I say bee I mean any flying black and yellow insect that stings) My neighbors have learned to ignore sudden screams from my yard. They know I have just encountered one the the dreaded insects. Once one of my neighbors saw me literally go crazy when a bee flew into my hair and got stuck. There I was screaming and flailing my head all around like a crazy woman in melt-down mode. It literally took me 45 minutes to recover afterward. I was not stung. My husband used to tease me that I would jump out of a moving car in order to get away from a bee. I used to think he was wrong until one day I "thought" I heard a bee when we were on the freeway and I started panicking. My husband calmed me and pointed out that it was a fly. Then he pointed out where my hand was - right on the door handle poised to pull it open. We were going 65 mph at the time. What was I thinking??
I had put up with these irrational fears all my life. Then I developed PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) from a traumatic accident my husband and I were in. It developed gradually, but got worse and worse until I was afraid to ride anywhere in a car. I considered staying home from important events, made my husband miserable on dates, (even to the extent of picking the closest restaurant in order to avoid driving) and made my children worried and nervous when I was in the car. While I was at my worst point we had to drive an hour and a half away to my sister's wedding. My family joked that maybe they should blindfold me and lay me down in the back seat. In the end I kept my eyes closed the entire way there and back while I sang soothing songs in my head to distract myself. That is when I knew I had to make a change. That is when I knew I had to conquer fear or be debilitated for the rest of my life. That is when I decided to fight back.
I began by researching my irrational fears. I asked questions and read books. I learned that if you feed fear it grows, but if you starve it, it dies. I learned that if you ignore the fear and find something very creative to focus your mind on, that your mind will clamp onto the creative. It can't be creative and fearful at the same time. I was writing a book at the time, so I began working on my book in my mind any time we drove somewhere. My mind couldn't think about both the book and my fear at the same time. The more I starved the fear, gradually the smaller it got. I found that the creative focus could be anything! Planning a party, designing something, structuring goals, anything creative that would take all your concentration and imagination to work on!
This was a great technique in the moment, but I also really needed to get rid of the root of the fear.
Have you heard of a vision board? It is basically a a goal with pictures. You place your pictures in some kind of boundary or frame. (frame meaning any border, even painter's tape in a square shape on the wall). In this frame you put a picture(s) of what your goal is. You also write positive words about your goal with your picture. Then you spend 3 minutes first thing in the morning, and 3 minutes last thing at night looking at this image. While you are looking at it you imagine that you already have it, what it feels like, what it smells like, what it tastes like, what it sounds like - using as many senses as possible. Using a vision board I began to imagine myself in situations in which I was fearless. Driving with no fear. Having a bee land on me, feeling fearless. Having a spider crawl on me, feeling fearless.
The next thing I did was come up with what is called a "declaration". A positive statement that I say to myself loudly 3 times every day. "I AM FEARLESS". I stretched my arms out to the universe to declare with boldness that I was fearless! The more I said it, the more my brain believed it.
I also wrote "because" papers. This is an amazing technique to get to the root of what is going on in one's mind. My first paper was called, "I am afraid because...." Then I just wrote and wrote whatever came to my mind. 24 hours later I went back and read what I wrote. This gave me insight for a new "because" statement. I did this 3-4 days in a row, reading what I had written the day before, and getting new insight as to what was really going on in my brain that led to a new dimension of what I was afraid of. After 3-4 days of "because" papers I was able to really pinpoint the root of the problem, which then helped me resolve it.
During all of this I was also praying to be fearless. In the Bible John 4:18 states that "Perfect love casteth out ALL fear". Nobody wanted to cast out all fear more than I did. I was so tired of living with it. I studied this verse over and over. It seemed to me that fear and faith were more likely opposites than fear and love. After much study I realized that John meant love of God, or trust in God. Perfect trust in God casteth out all fear. I needed to trust God, believe that He was standing beside me, and that whatever happened would be okay because he can heal anything. I didn't need to be afraid. The more I prayed for this, the stronger I became.
This is a lot of work to overcome fear. I never would have done it if it had not gotten so bad. It forced me to search for a solution. I can tell you that today I can ride in a car without fear. Most of the time I do not even think about it. The bees and spiders are just starting to come out. There was a spider on the ceiling the other day. I got right up and killed it. I was not afraid. I even looked to at the toilet paper to make sure it was dead, and my skin didn't even crawl. That was a new experience for me. The old me would have screamed and danced around begging for someone to kill it. If no one was available to save me I probably would have sucked it up in the vacuum with the longest attachment, then left the vacuum on for 5 minutes just to make sure it was really dead. I would have been totally creeped out. I am truly NOT AFRAID for the first time in 50 years. I feel sad that I have lived with crippling fear for so long and let it control me. Now I am in charge. I AM FEARLESS.
If I can do it, so can you!
Sunday, May 8, 2016
Sunday, February 28, 2016
What You Plant in Your Mind
I have been doing a lot of studying lately about how what you think about affects the results of your life. It is a fascinating topic!
This last week I ran across an audio recording of a man named Earl Nightingale. In this recording he describes that our minds are like the land, and our thoughts like the seeds that can be planted in that land. The land does not care what we plant. If cultivated it will bring forth in abundance whatever we have planted.
The mind is the same. Whatever ideas we "plant" and cultivate will be brought forth in abundance. It is an empowering thought!
I am attaching the audio recording. It is 40 minutes long. It would be perfect to listen to on your phone while you are driving somewhere, or while you are working around the house or whatever. It is well worth 40 minutes!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XL9528Gohe0
This last week I ran across an audio recording of a man named Earl Nightingale. In this recording he describes that our minds are like the land, and our thoughts like the seeds that can be planted in that land. The land does not care what we plant. If cultivated it will bring forth in abundance whatever we have planted.
The mind is the same. Whatever ideas we "plant" and cultivate will be brought forth in abundance. It is an empowering thought!
I am attaching the audio recording. It is 40 minutes long. It would be perfect to listen to on your phone while you are driving somewhere, or while you are working around the house or whatever. It is well worth 40 minutes!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XL9528Gohe0
Sunday, January 10, 2016
Good Intentions
Isn't it amazing how sometimes someone can teach you profound without even realizing it?
A while ago I was having a conversation with my dear friend Kathy G. I cannot remember the exact topic of our conversation, but I do remember that I was questioning someone's motives for doing something that did not make sense to me. She said the simplest thing to me, as if we had had a long conversation about it and this was just a reminder. She said, "presume good intent". That stopped me in my tracks. If I stopped to look at the situation through those lenses, I would assume something different that what my current assumption was. I also noticed it felt a lot better to assume the best in someone's intentions instead of the worst. It felt lighter, happier.
Though she was not aware she had said anything profound to me, I mulled over her three words for the next few days and began applying "presume good intent" to situations around me. For example, instead of assuming the person driving 25 miles per hour in a 35 mph zone was on their phone or just not paying attention, or worse yet, trying to annoy me, I decided to assume maybe they had a good reason for driving that slowly - perhaps they were feeling sick, or for some reason didn't feel safe driving that fast, or perhaps they were old. It made it so much easier for me to be patient and assume the best.
Now when I observe or hear something that does not make sense to me, instead of judging or assuming the worst, I am trying to develop a habit of "presuming good intent". Why not think of the best possible scenario instead of the worst possible scenario? Reasons why my teenager might not be answering their phone, or is late for their curfew, or why a spouse fails to do something they said they would, or a neighbor or stranger does something that could be interpreted as less than kind, or a million other assumptions that we make every day.
Imagine if we all cut each other some slack and assumed the best in interpreting each others actions and intentions. How would that change us? How would that change the world around us?
I, for one, have felt much lighter, less burdened, and happier since I have learned the MAGIC of presuming good intent. And isn't being happy what we all want?
A while ago I was having a conversation with my dear friend Kathy G. I cannot remember the exact topic of our conversation, but I do remember that I was questioning someone's motives for doing something that did not make sense to me. She said the simplest thing to me, as if we had had a long conversation about it and this was just a reminder. She said, "presume good intent". That stopped me in my tracks. If I stopped to look at the situation through those lenses, I would assume something different that what my current assumption was. I also noticed it felt a lot better to assume the best in someone's intentions instead of the worst. It felt lighter, happier.
Though she was not aware she had said anything profound to me, I mulled over her three words for the next few days and began applying "presume good intent" to situations around me. For example, instead of assuming the person driving 25 miles per hour in a 35 mph zone was on their phone or just not paying attention, or worse yet, trying to annoy me, I decided to assume maybe they had a good reason for driving that slowly - perhaps they were feeling sick, or for some reason didn't feel safe driving that fast, or perhaps they were old. It made it so much easier for me to be patient and assume the best.
Now when I observe or hear something that does not make sense to me, instead of judging or assuming the worst, I am trying to develop a habit of "presuming good intent". Why not think of the best possible scenario instead of the worst possible scenario? Reasons why my teenager might not be answering their phone, or is late for their curfew, or why a spouse fails to do something they said they would, or a neighbor or stranger does something that could be interpreted as less than kind, or a million other assumptions that we make every day.
Imagine if we all cut each other some slack and assumed the best in interpreting each others actions and intentions. How would that change us? How would that change the world around us?
I, for one, have felt much lighter, less burdened, and happier since I have learned the MAGIC of presuming good intent. And isn't being happy what we all want?
Sunday, December 20, 2015
A Lesson in Forgiveness
Recently I had the unanticipated honor of being seated at a table with a great lady named Thelma Soares and her son Paul. Thelma is the mother of Lori Hacking, whose life was taken in 2004 by her husband Mark Hacking in a very public murder, investigation and trial. Although I was interested, I had no intention of asking Thelma about the story, or how she was doing; Somehow it came up anyway. Thelma did not hesitate on this topic. She told me the tragic story in some detail, along with her feelings about the loss of her only daughter. There was no bitterness in her voice. Paul sat quietly by and supported his mother. She told me about her daughter without pain or anguish in her face. She told me that she has frankly forgiven Mark for what he did. She told me that she even corresponds with him occasionally, and is very close to his wonderful family. I asked her how she could accomplish such a difficult feat. She looked straight into me with her piercing blue eyes and testified that by the gift of God's help she was able to forgive. She referred to a talk by James E. Faust about forgiveness that was given a short time after the tragedy. She quoted him with conviction as talking about having anguish but not anger, and hurt but not hate. She told me about three scriptures that have been her lifeline. (1) ”All flesh is in my hand; be still and know that I am God,” (2) Helaman 5:12 in which she inserted her name for “my sons” and (3)” . . . my peace I leave with you; not as the world giveth give I unto you; let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
She told me that although her heart is still broken, she is not troubled nor afraid. She told me, "I don't think you ever 'get over' the tragic loss of a child." She talked about how forgiveness has been a gift from God to her, and has made her life peaceful despite hardship.
Thelma is a strong woman. I could see it in her eyes. She told me about the letters and support that had come pouring in from all over the world after Lori's murder. She described money sent to her in all amounts and forms. She described a child who had made a personal sacrifice to send her a crumpled dollar bill and a dime. She told me many such stories. She decided to set up a scholarship at the University of Utah in Lori's name. Lori had graduated from the U of U just a year or two before her death. Because of the high profile of the case, Thelma was able to gain the support of many famous names to help spread her cause. The scholarship was set up and designed to lend aid to someone who had experienced hardship in their life. Thelma has the great privilege to help choose the scholarship recipient each year.
I was impressed with the passion with which she spoke, and the conviction and absence of sorrow and mourning in her eyes. Somehow she has been able to heal. Somehow she has let go of a bitter and tragic past and was looking forward. I found myself wanting the peace that she has.
I have things in my past that still bring me pain and tears. I have been unable to fully forgive some wrongs done to me. I was struck with amazement at this great lady who has been more wronged than I have ever dreamed of being, and whose life has been more altered by someone else's horrific actions than mine will probably ever be, and yet there she sat - calm, peaceful, eyes clear and full of what...love. They were full of love.
I reluctantly left her presence with a feeling of humility and the desire to forgive the pettiness of my heart that was holding me back.
Especially at this special time of the year, may we all invoke the healing power that comes as we follow the example and counsel of the Savior of the world "to forgive all men".
Sunday, November 8, 2015
The Power of Being Positive
I used to hate our dog. She's an american Eskimo/golden retriever mix, which makes a beautiful dog, but I hated her. Her constant shedding of white hair all over the house drove me nuts. Her constant barking like crazy any time someone came to the house, her little disobediences when she knew she was being bad and did it anyway...... I could go on and on, but I won't. I couldn't get rid of her. The kids would have been devastated! So I continued to put up with her and all the things that drove me crazy.
One day I realized that I was making myself miserable. She didn't seem to care one bit whether I liked her or not. In fact, she continued to follow me around wherever I went just as if we were the best of friends. I realized that the only one I was making miserable was myself. I decided that instead of constantly noticing the negative in her, I would look for the positive. I started to notice how loyal she was to each family member, and how happy they were to see her when they came home. I began to notice the joy she brought to my children. I realized that I was glad that no one could come to my house unannounced when I was home alone because of her. I noticed that she would gladly clean up anything that spilled on the kitchen floor all by herself! I was surprised that the things that bothered me before seemed to melt into the background. These aggravating annoyances became almost forgotten, and when remembered, were very slight recognitions that contained none of the vehement feelings that had accompanied them before. I found myself much more at peace,and much happier!
I decided to try this idea with another thing I do not enjoy: Going to Walmart. I hated how far away you have to park to get in. I hated how you can never find anyone to help you. I hated how crowded it is, and the always long lines. I had a bad attitude about the place. I decided to look for the good in going there. The first thing I noticed was that it was nice weather outside, and the walk to get in was not that bad. I noticed that they have practically anything you could want to buy in a place like that. I came across a very short woman who was trying to reach for something very high and couldn't get it. I got it for her and she was so grateful. That made me feel good! I noticed the friendliness of the people in line in front of me, and the cheerful cashier who had been on her feet for hours. I left there with a completely different experience and feeling than I had ever had before.
What changed? The walk was still long, the help scarce, the lines long. Nothing had changed. Nothing except me. I was amazed that I could go to the same store I have been going to for several years and, for once, come away with a completely different feeling. Happiness instead of drudgery. I marveled at how this is possible. All I did was look for the good and ignore the bad, both with my dog and with going to the store. Can it really be that simple? Can simply looking for the good, and ignoring the bad make that big of a difference? I am here to tell you that it is working for me, and the possibilities are endless! Driving in traffic, your children, spouse or others, telemarketers and salesmen at the door, unpleasant tasks that you must do, or a job that you don't love. Anything!
Pick something that bugs you and try it. You will be amazed at the difference!
One day I realized that I was making myself miserable. She didn't seem to care one bit whether I liked her or not. In fact, she continued to follow me around wherever I went just as if we were the best of friends. I realized that the only one I was making miserable was myself. I decided that instead of constantly noticing the negative in her, I would look for the positive. I started to notice how loyal she was to each family member, and how happy they were to see her when they came home. I began to notice the joy she brought to my children. I realized that I was glad that no one could come to my house unannounced when I was home alone because of her. I noticed that she would gladly clean up anything that spilled on the kitchen floor all by herself! I was surprised that the things that bothered me before seemed to melt into the background. These aggravating annoyances became almost forgotten, and when remembered, were very slight recognitions that contained none of the vehement feelings that had accompanied them before. I found myself much more at peace,and much happier!
I decided to try this idea with another thing I do not enjoy: Going to Walmart. I hated how far away you have to park to get in. I hated how you can never find anyone to help you. I hated how crowded it is, and the always long lines. I had a bad attitude about the place. I decided to look for the good in going there. The first thing I noticed was that it was nice weather outside, and the walk to get in was not that bad. I noticed that they have practically anything you could want to buy in a place like that. I came across a very short woman who was trying to reach for something very high and couldn't get it. I got it for her and she was so grateful. That made me feel good! I noticed the friendliness of the people in line in front of me, and the cheerful cashier who had been on her feet for hours. I left there with a completely different experience and feeling than I had ever had before.
What changed? The walk was still long, the help scarce, the lines long. Nothing had changed. Nothing except me. I was amazed that I could go to the same store I have been going to for several years and, for once, come away with a completely different feeling. Happiness instead of drudgery. I marveled at how this is possible. All I did was look for the good and ignore the bad, both with my dog and with going to the store. Can it really be that simple? Can simply looking for the good, and ignoring the bad make that big of a difference? I am here to tell you that it is working for me, and the possibilities are endless! Driving in traffic, your children, spouse or others, telemarketers and salesmen at the door, unpleasant tasks that you must do, or a job that you don't love. Anything!
Pick something that bugs you and try it. You will be amazed at the difference!
Friday, October 23, 2015
A Path Worth Taking
About
a year ago I had the idea to sit down and make a list of all the people who
have changed the course of my life, people who I consider to be mentors throughout my 50 years.
I began reflecting on my life beginning as a child and prayerfully went through my life in my mind to pinpoint who these key people were. It almost seemed that as I followed the path I had trod in my mind, that there were very specific times where the path turned one direction or another. I was able to identify key people, and how these people were instrumental in my decision to turn one direction or another on my path. Funny how I could not see it at the time, but in looking backward it became so obvious.
This kind of reflection about my life gave me great insight and perspective into who I am and the people who have helped me become who I am today!
The first people (other than parents of course) who I came across in my reflecting were the husband and wife I used to babysit for as a teenager. Their family was a lot different than the one I was growing up in, and their example of healthy ways to parent and love children stuck in my brain and mulled around until I became a parent myself. Their example greatly influenced my desire to be that kind of parent too. It set me on a journey of book-reading and class-taking in an effort to be the patient and loving parent I saw exemplified in their family.
The next person on my path was a seminary teacher who brought Christ and his gospel alive for me. Because of this teacher's influence I developed a thirst for a testimony of who Christ is, a thirst which has brought me a very long way.
Following him was an institute teacher who gave me a love for my heritage; a friend from college who taught me to serve and love others without expecting a return; my husband who has taught me multiple layers of lessons on many subjects; a former bishop of our congregation who taught me about priorities in marriage; several close friends who have taught me many things; some therapists who helped me become a more loving parent, wife and person; and a wise younger friend who has taught me so much about refining who I am, even recently!
It was so rewarding to recognize the different people who have played a key role in my life, and to know that their influence has permanently changed me and led me to where I am today, on an ongoing path in a direction I want to go.
2 weeks ago I decided to write each of these mentors a letter detailing how they had been a positive influence in my life and thanking them for their role in helping me along my path. So far I have written 4 of my 12 letters.
I did not anticipate the great influence it would have on ME to write to each of them in such detail. It has been a rewarding and very humbling experience, one I wish I would have done long ago. I am lucky enough to have everyone still living that I wanted to thank, but I had decided at the beginning of this effort that I would still write the letter even if I could not deliver it. There is something about writing it down, about putting it physically on paper that is therapeutic, and has instilled gratitude and humility in me. It just feels good! This is a path worth reflecting on!
I began reflecting on my life beginning as a child and prayerfully went through my life in my mind to pinpoint who these key people were. It almost seemed that as I followed the path I had trod in my mind, that there were very specific times where the path turned one direction or another. I was able to identify key people, and how these people were instrumental in my decision to turn one direction or another on my path. Funny how I could not see it at the time, but in looking backward it became so obvious.
This kind of reflection about my life gave me great insight and perspective into who I am and the people who have helped me become who I am today!
The first people (other than parents of course) who I came across in my reflecting were the husband and wife I used to babysit for as a teenager. Their family was a lot different than the one I was growing up in, and their example of healthy ways to parent and love children stuck in my brain and mulled around until I became a parent myself. Their example greatly influenced my desire to be that kind of parent too. It set me on a journey of book-reading and class-taking in an effort to be the patient and loving parent I saw exemplified in their family.
The next person on my path was a seminary teacher who brought Christ and his gospel alive for me. Because of this teacher's influence I developed a thirst for a testimony of who Christ is, a thirst which has brought me a very long way.
Following him was an institute teacher who gave me a love for my heritage; a friend from college who taught me to serve and love others without expecting a return; my husband who has taught me multiple layers of lessons on many subjects; a former bishop of our congregation who taught me about priorities in marriage; several close friends who have taught me many things; some therapists who helped me become a more loving parent, wife and person; and a wise younger friend who has taught me so much about refining who I am, even recently!
It was so rewarding to recognize the different people who have played a key role in my life, and to know that their influence has permanently changed me and led me to where I am today, on an ongoing path in a direction I want to go.
2 weeks ago I decided to write each of these mentors a letter detailing how they had been a positive influence in my life and thanking them for their role in helping me along my path. So far I have written 4 of my 12 letters.
I did not anticipate the great influence it would have on ME to write to each of them in such detail. It has been a rewarding and very humbling experience, one I wish I would have done long ago. I am lucky enough to have everyone still living that I wanted to thank, but I had decided at the beginning of this effort that I would still write the letter even if I could not deliver it. There is something about writing it down, about putting it physically on paper that is therapeutic, and has instilled gratitude and humility in me. It just feels good! This is a path worth reflecting on!
Sunday, October 11, 2015
The 50/20 - A Lesson for Life
A good friend in my neighborhood recently sent me an incredible picture of her husband quite literally supporting her son as he walked the 50/20.
For those of you who don't know about this grueling event, the 50/20 is a 50 mile walk done in 20 straight hours. My friend's son Thomas and his group left late in the afternoon and walked all night in an effort to finish the next day. Six boys and their two scout leaders plus one girl had signed up for this grueling and character-building exercise. As I later visited with Thomas about his experience, he described to me how different people in his group dropped out at different points in the walk for different reasons. One person stopped at 8 miles, another at 18, more at 25. By 32 miles only he and one leader were left. Thomas described how hard it was to keep going when other people stopped. He described how it was easier to walk with a group and how he felt lonely when it was just him and his leader, often walking within sight of each other, but not together.
By mile 35 Thomas was in tears from fatigue and pain. He was ready to give up. He told me that he would have given up if his dad had not come to walk with him at that point. His father had checked in with Thomas' leader to see if there was anything he could do to help. The message was conveyed that Thomas wanted his dad, so his dad came bringing food, enthusiasm and support. In order for his father to walk with him for a time he would park way ahead of where they were, walk back and walk with his son, then go back to get the car and move it far ahead again, repeating this process multiple times. As his father did this for him, Thomas was strengthened and encouraged and was able to keep going. After a little more than an hour, Thomas seemed renewed enough to continue, and his father left him to keep walking.
By the time Thomas reached mile 43, he was again struggling. His father again met up with Thomas and his leader and carried their backpacks for them to help ease their burden. He stayed with Thomas the rest of the time. By this time Thomas was crying. He would say "I can't do it" "I want to be done!" "I hate this!" But he kept walking. He later told me that what kept him going was the goal he had set to finish and that he did not want to disappoint himself or his father who was rooting for him.
By mile 47 Thomas was so tired that he could barely continue. His arches hurt, his legs hurt, his whole body hurt. His father walked beside him and held his hand, encouraging him to keep going, telling him he could do this, and that they were almost there. Thomas described the disappointment he felt every time they would come around a bend and stretching before him was a long road still to be walked. He said that he felt that the journey would never end. During this last few miles, he would take a break every half hour or so and lay on his father's back. His father did not take any steps for him, but he would lift him up onto his back, stand in place, and let him rest for a count of 60, then Thomas would continue walking. Thomas described how he could not rest for longer because his muscles would cramp up. He had to keep moving, keep progressing forward.
According to Thomas the last mile felt like ten. Thomas probably stopped around ten times to rest on his father's back that last mile. They began picking a spot or a tree up ahead, and Thomas would commit just to get to that point. Every bend that was not the end was discouraging. All the other participants had long since finished by now. Even the rest stations had been taken down. He kept thinking "I want it to be done" "I hate this!" "This is stupid!" yet he kept walking.
FINALLY after 22 hours and 39 minutes he crossed the finish line. Surprisingly he felt no great sense of accomplishment but just a sense of relief that he had succeeded, that it was done. He and his leader were the only ones to finish from their group, and the last to finish the race, but they DID finish.
As Thomas told me this story, I was struck by the parallels in his story to life and God's role in our lives. We all have trials and tribulations. Some of them are our own choosing, like Thomas, and others that are not of our choosing. As with Thomas, we have no idea what is ahead or how hard it is going to be. Often we are not prepared for how painful it will be, or how long it will be, or how heavy it will be, or how lonely it will be. Although the support of a group was helpful while it lasted, the most helpful for Thomas and the only thing that could have sustained him to the end was his father. So it is with us in our trials and tribulations. We definitely need support along life's long journey, but in the end what offers us the true and lasting support we need is our Father - the only one who can truly make our burdens light, who can hold us up and give us "rest" when we think we cannot keep going, who ultimately through the Holy Ghost gives us peace and encouragement, and holds our hand to the very end when we feel we can't do it, when we cry and say about our trials and tribulations "I want it to be done" "I hate this" "This is stupid!" And sometimes when the Spirit whispers "hang in there, you're almost done" and then we come around another bend and see the path stretched out before us we wonder if there will really ever be an end or will the pain and suffering continue on forever. It is at those times when we feel we cannot keep going, when we are ready to give up, when we have nothing left to give that God lifts us up onto his back and gives us rest, allowing us the ability to dig deep and keep going. He does not walk our journey for us, but he knows what we need to make it to the end, and he walks beside us holding our hand, and he lifts us onto His infinite back to give us rest when we need it.
For those of you who don't know about this grueling event, the 50/20 is a 50 mile walk done in 20 straight hours. My friend's son Thomas and his group left late in the afternoon and walked all night in an effort to finish the next day. Six boys and their two scout leaders plus one girl had signed up for this grueling and character-building exercise. As I later visited with Thomas about his experience, he described to me how different people in his group dropped out at different points in the walk for different reasons. One person stopped at 8 miles, another at 18, more at 25. By 32 miles only he and one leader were left. Thomas described how hard it was to keep going when other people stopped. He described how it was easier to walk with a group and how he felt lonely when it was just him and his leader, often walking within sight of each other, but not together.
By mile 35 Thomas was in tears from fatigue and pain. He was ready to give up. He told me that he would have given up if his dad had not come to walk with him at that point. His father had checked in with Thomas' leader to see if there was anything he could do to help. The message was conveyed that Thomas wanted his dad, so his dad came bringing food, enthusiasm and support. In order for his father to walk with him for a time he would park way ahead of where they were, walk back and walk with his son, then go back to get the car and move it far ahead again, repeating this process multiple times. As his father did this for him, Thomas was strengthened and encouraged and was able to keep going. After a little more than an hour, Thomas seemed renewed enough to continue, and his father left him to keep walking.
By the time Thomas reached mile 43, he was again struggling. His father again met up with Thomas and his leader and carried their backpacks for them to help ease their burden. He stayed with Thomas the rest of the time. By this time Thomas was crying. He would say "I can't do it" "I want to be done!" "I hate this!" But he kept walking. He later told me that what kept him going was the goal he had set to finish and that he did not want to disappoint himself or his father who was rooting for him.
By mile 47 Thomas was so tired that he could barely continue. His arches hurt, his legs hurt, his whole body hurt. His father walked beside him and held his hand, encouraging him to keep going, telling him he could do this, and that they were almost there. Thomas described the disappointment he felt every time they would come around a bend and stretching before him was a long road still to be walked. He said that he felt that the journey would never end. During this last few miles, he would take a break every half hour or so and lay on his father's back. His father did not take any steps for him, but he would lift him up onto his back, stand in place, and let him rest for a count of 60, then Thomas would continue walking. Thomas described how he could not rest for longer because his muscles would cramp up. He had to keep moving, keep progressing forward.
According to Thomas the last mile felt like ten. Thomas probably stopped around ten times to rest on his father's back that last mile. They began picking a spot or a tree up ahead, and Thomas would commit just to get to that point. Every bend that was not the end was discouraging. All the other participants had long since finished by now. Even the rest stations had been taken down. He kept thinking "I want it to be done" "I hate this!" "This is stupid!" yet he kept walking.
FINALLY after 22 hours and 39 minutes he crossed the finish line. Surprisingly he felt no great sense of accomplishment but just a sense of relief that he had succeeded, that it was done. He and his leader were the only ones to finish from their group, and the last to finish the race, but they DID finish.
As Thomas told me this story, I was struck by the parallels in his story to life and God's role in our lives. We all have trials and tribulations. Some of them are our own choosing, like Thomas, and others that are not of our choosing. As with Thomas, we have no idea what is ahead or how hard it is going to be. Often we are not prepared for how painful it will be, or how long it will be, or how heavy it will be, or how lonely it will be. Although the support of a group was helpful while it lasted, the most helpful for Thomas and the only thing that could have sustained him to the end was his father. So it is with us in our trials and tribulations. We definitely need support along life's long journey, but in the end what offers us the true and lasting support we need is our Father - the only one who can truly make our burdens light, who can hold us up and give us "rest" when we think we cannot keep going, who ultimately through the Holy Ghost gives us peace and encouragement, and holds our hand to the very end when we feel we can't do it, when we cry and say about our trials and tribulations "I want it to be done" "I hate this" "This is stupid!" And sometimes when the Spirit whispers "hang in there, you're almost done" and then we come around another bend and see the path stretched out before us we wonder if there will really ever be an end or will the pain and suffering continue on forever. It is at those times when we feel we cannot keep going, when we are ready to give up, when we have nothing left to give that God lifts us up onto his back and gives us rest, allowing us the ability to dig deep and keep going. He does not walk our journey for us, but he knows what we need to make it to the end, and he walks beside us holding our hand, and he lifts us onto His infinite back to give us rest when we need it.
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