The Gift That Does Not Repeat Itself

 My father-in-law died on Saturday.  It wasn't a shock, but then again it was a total shock.  He had gone into the hospital right after Thanksgiving to have a pacemaker put in.  Instead of a successful surgery, he was told his heart was failing.  There was no surgery, and he was put on hospice.  But this man was stubborn.  He was a fighter.  Even after a couple of close calls where we thought it might be the end, he would rally to the top again, and I would hear of him walking around the block the next day.  I thought he would hold on for a lot longer.  Saturday morning the call came that no one wants to make or receive.  He was gone.  He went quickly and to me, unexpectedly....well, you know.... 

It kind of boggled my mind to think that for 90 years this man, this being, has had a presence on this planet.  That's a long time.  So strange how all of a sudden that can change.  You just kind of think your loved ones are going to live forever, ya know?

Let me say again what I said a couple weeks ago: 

Time is a gift that does not repeat itself.

Christmas is a time when we tend to think about these things more than usual.  

This Christmas I invite you to gather those you love around you.  Be present with them.  Cherish the moments.  Glean every ounce of enjoyment.  Hopefully you have a million more moments to come.  Make them count.  

Little ones grow and change.  Older ones grow and change.  Take pictures.  Laugh.  Listen to them.  And be grateful for the gift of time.  You only get this Christmas once.  

A Different Kind of Gift

It's that time of year.  We tend to think more about giving right now than at any other time of the year.  

Did you know that in the United States more than one third of annual donations (33.6%) happen in the "season of giving" between Thanksgiving and Christmas? 

I recently heard about a very different kind of gift someone was offering this year, and it costs...nothing, yet it is something we all want.  It's very valuable, and much needed.  AND it helps both the giver and the recipient.  Any guesses?

This person told me that their gift to those around them this Christmas-time is to 

not judge people.  

I started thinking about that.  What if each of us chose to accept everyone they encountered for who and where they are this season?  What would our world look like if we did that?  

What if we each judged one third less between Thanksgiving and Christmas?  What would that do?  

That could include not just those that are easy to judge because they are different than you, like the homeless, those struggling with obvious addictions, the super rich, those that look way more beautiful than you, or have way more than you do, but 

                                                 ESPECIALLY

those that might feel your judgment, such as your partner, your children and their choices, your siblings, your parents, other relatives you may or may not love spending time with, your friends, neighbors, and yes, even that person in the car that just cut you off in traffic.

Wouldn't it be an amazing gift to extend love and acceptance instead of judgment?  

I know I want to be loved and accepted for who and what I am in all my imperfections.  

I know you want that too.  

Can you imagine how differently you (and they) would feel if you gave that gift this season?  If we all did?

The Gift I Missed

Last Christmas I missed out on one of my gifts.  I wasn't paying attention and I totally missed it.  Here's what happened: 

Before Christmas I received an email from a friend asking if I had gotten her present.  I hadn't.  The present should have arrived by email.  After checking my spam folder I found it.  The email was from this friend's daughter, who is a social marketing expert.  Here it is:

Over this beautiful picture were the following words: 

"This year my mother___wanted to gift you something a little different because of how amazing you are!!

She paid for your first month of designs ($) to grow your business and start your year out strong."

 Wow!  I thought!  How generous!  I get to spend ($) on free, beautiful advertising!  How wonderful!

Then I didn't do anything about it for a couple of weeks. 

Finally both my friend and her daughter reached out to me.  I ended up on a phone call where I learned that I had missed my present because.......I didn't scroll down.  Had I scrolled down past the picture I would have found that she had already created a beautiful Christmas post for me to use on Instagram and Facebook that all I had to do was copy and paste.  By the time I finally caught on to what the present was, December was already over.  I had missed it.  I had been given a beautiful gift, but because I wasn't paying attention I missed it.  

Do you ever miss things because you're not fully paying attention?  Something good is in reach, but because you're distracted, half paying attention, you miss it? 

This is not the first time I have missed out because I was not paying attention.

(In the end, this generous marketer agreed to redesign my post so I could use it in January.)

More than missing out on announcements,  opportunities and gifts, I look backward and realize that I have sometimes missed out on being fully present with my children and other loved ones.  

Time is a gift that does not repeat itself.  

Being preoccupied and busy with "tasks" or other seemingly urgent but not important happenings can lead to missing out on never-to-be repeated conversations and quality time.

So, if I may offer one piece of unsolicited advice this Christmas season?  Be fully present.  Pay attention to what counts.  Yes, all those preparations "need" to get done (or do they?), but when you look back you won't regret not getting everything done, but you will regret being distracted from what really matters.  

In other words, don't forget to scroll down.

P.S.  I'm starting a new podcast in January called Just Love Them!  Details to come!

The Secret

 This post was actually written about me by Kody Duncan in his weekly newsletter, Habit Examples.  It was so good I wanted to share it here.   

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My friend Shiree has been listing 3 things she’s grateful for every morning for 7 years.

The second I heard this, I thought “how on Earth do your eyeballs not melt out of their sockets in boredom?”

I mean, literally the first Habit Example ever was about the study that found most people who attempt gratitude journaling every day actually become less happy, because they get bored.

But after talking to Shiree, I think they (and I) were just missing one crucial piece to the puzzle.

A challenge.

To never write down the same thing twice.

Again, I was a bit dumbfounded.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for a lotta things in my life.

But 3 unique things she’s grateful for every morning for 7 years equates to 7,665 things.

Back in college I remember being in a funk for a few weeks. I challenged myself to write 100 things I was grateful for and gave myself a whole week.

And that was hard!

So again, I had to ask, “Shiree, be real - how have you listed 7,665 things you’re grateful for and not repeated a single one?!”

Here’s what she said:

The secret to not repeating what you are grateful for is to make it very specific.  I.e. "I am grateful for the enlightening conversation I had with so-and-so yesterday".  "I am grateful that I saw my neighbor struggling with her groceries and was able to jump in and help", "I am grateful that you (God) blessed me with the right words for my email on setting intentions".... you see how that works?  When we notice God in the details of each day and express gratitude it makes repeating practically impossible!

That's the secret.

Simple, yet powerful.

So whether you simply wanna try listing out a few things you’re grateful for each day like Shiree, or you wanna be better at expressing gratitude to people you care about… specificity is king.

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❝   You will never be happier than you are grateful.   Gary B. Sabin

The Perfect Week for Gratitude

 Did you know feeling grateful actually makes you happier?  😀

It's true.  And who doesn't want to feel happier?  

On this most perfect of all weeks to be grateful, I invite you to accept the following gift, by way of invitation:

Every day this week, starting today, pick something or someone you are grateful for and express it in writing.  This will take 2 minutes.

This could look like:

• A text to someone you are grateful for telling them why you are grateful for having them in your life.  
• A social media post about what you are grateful for.  
• A journal entry.  
• A note written to someone and delivered or mailed to them. 
• Or any other way you want to do it. 

I promise you that by doing this simple, quick, daily expression for the next seven days 

You literally will feel different, happier and more content a week from now.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Giving It Away

 During a conversation with a friend, I was bemoaning what I thought I was missing in my life.  My wise friend suggested that I consider giving something away once or twice a week.  She taught me that it is a universal law that when you give you will also receive.  

I decided to give it a try.  I had nothing to lose.  Instead of once or twice a week, however, I decided to give something away every day for a month!  Each day I intentionally gave something away, and I kept track.  I found it somewhat challenging, and so much fun!  Some days I knew ahead of time what I was going to give.  Other days I looked throughout the day for an opportunity, and it came in the moment.  Here are some of my favorites:

• A candy bar to the cashier checking me out at the grocery store. 
• Homemade peach pie, zucchini bread and peaches to neighbors, family and friends.
• House cleaning to a grown daughter
• Babysitting to another grown daughter
• My place in line
• I gave grace to the car that cut me off
• The gift of time and an attentive listening ear to the person who needed to talk
• A whole day to help my husband on a project he was doing
• Lots of sincere compliments
• Hunted down a hard-to-find favorite fall treat for a friend and took it to her

At the end of the month, I had had so much fun I decided to keep going.  I just can't stop.  And what of  the things that I thought were missing in my life?  Somehow, things have been smoothed over, or maybe I'm just not looking at them any more.  Either way, I feel happy and content, which is what really counts anyway.  

I learned that the universal law my friend had taught me has several names, including the vacuum law of prosperity, the law of giving and receiving, and the law of circulation.  

Here it is in scripture form: Luke 6:38 says, "Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again."  Isn't that beautiful!

You may be wondering what I have received for all my giving?  Among other things I have been given free tickets to a comedy club, books I had wished for that were literally left in a gift bag on my doorstep, treats, and much more.  Among the most valuable things I have received are a sense of peace and well-being, the kindness of others, and that awesome feeling that comes when you have served someone in a meaningful way and met a need they could not meet for themselves.  

Do you want to feel better, happier and more peaceful?  Try 30 days of giving.  You will be amazed.  Let me know how it goes.  

To Have a Delightful Day

 Do you ever have a day where everything just goes right?  

Yeah, me neither... but yesterday I did!  

I woke up in the morning and thought, "Today is going to be delightful!" (No, this is not standard practice for me. It was new.)  But on this particular day it just popped into my head, and I set an intention.  Then I got up and got going and forgot about it.  

I somehow had more time than usual in the morning.  I even did a little reading before church, completely unheard of!  The speakers at church seemed unusually good, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.  The rest of the day followed suit, with pleasant conversations with my husband, more fun reading, and a wonderful dinner at our son and his girlfriend's house, complete with more enjoyable conversation.  At the close of the day I sat on the bed and rehearsed to my husband all the wonderful things about the day (also not normal for me).  It was just the best day!  

There are not that many days I would like to live over again. Out of every 365 days in a year, there are almost none I would repeat, but this day was one of them.  Why is that?   Why this one?  What made it different?

As I pondered this question, I remembered that I woke up and set the intention for a delightful day.  I wondered if that had something to do with it.  

 According to Sara Weand, LPC, "When setting an intention, it's like laying the foundation for what you'd like to have, feel and experience versus just being a passive participant going through the motions.  Intentions provide you with the opportunity to actively participate in your life the way you want to live it."  

While I cannot control all the aspects of my day, I can control how I feel about it.  For example, I could have tuned out what was being said in church and called it a long, boring meeting.  I could have spent time scrolling on my phone instead of talking to my husband, etc. I could have not paid attention to all the good things in my day, and just looked at the bad instead.  

Even when unpleasant things do happen, we can choose how we look at them, which may not change the situation, but will definitely change how we feel, and how we feel is pretty much everything, isn't it?

Have you ever unintentionally set a negative intention?  Statements like, "It's going to be so stressful" or "It's going to be rough" or "I can't wait until it's over" are setting intentions.  

Of course it's going to be stressful if you decide it's going to be!  Of course it's going to be rough if you have already decided that's how it's going to be.  Of course it's going to be miserable if you can't wait until it's over!  

Try setting an intention that you want, and see what happens.  "It's going to be energizing", "It's going to be easy", and "I'm going to enjoy this experience" have a whole different feel about them.

Consider setting a positive intention for your day, or what's left of it.  I think you'll be surprised at your result!

The 24-hour Challenge

 Last week I attended a class by Julie Hawkes on "The Law of Increase".  It was a fabulous class on how being grateful increases your vibration, and brings you more abundance in life.

I am already a gratitude person, and have been for a long time.  Gratitude literally saved me years ago when I was going through a very hard experience.  It helped me shift my mind to see that life was not terrible, and that I should continue to live it.  It was the topic of one of the first blogs I ever wrote, back in 2014.  To this day I still list three new things I am grateful for every morning.  I love this habit!

What was different for me however, was that in this class we were taught to not only look for the good and be grateful for that, but also to look for what is hard and be grateful for that.  What?!  Be grateful for what is not good in my life?  That seems crazy!  

The other thing that was new was to express gratitude for what blessings are coming in the future, things not currently in my life.  Really?  

After the class I decided to try an experiment.  I decided that for the next 24 hours I would express gratitude for literally everything I could, including the hard, and what I don't yet have.  I intentionally focused my mind on this.  For example, when getting ready for bed that night, in my mind I expressed gratitude for my toothbrush, toothpaste, the running water, to have all my natural teeth, my floss, and the chapstick I put on when I was done.  You see how intense of gratitude I tried?  I literally focused on being grateful for everything at every moment I had free space in my brain.  

The next day I continued to focus my brain on gratitude at every chance.  I expressed gratitude for the pain behind my knee, my safe journey (before I started), my car, the paved roads, the speed limit, the lights, the cars around me, etc.  And on it went, from sun up to sun down.  Sounds exhausting, doesn't it?  I thought it would be too.  

The most surprising result was that not only did I not feel mentally exhausted, I felt exhilarated, light and energized.  It was a kind of "high", and so authentic, so hard to describe!

As it turns out,  gratitude has a very high vibration, at 540 MHz.  Being grateful falls on the same level as love - it is one of the highest vibrations you can be at.  The more time you spend in gratitude, the more your body's frequency raises and the healthier your body becomes.  Super cool!

I loved this experiment so much I have named it the 

RADICAL GRATITUDE 24-HOUR CHALLENGE.  

Try it! You are in for an amazing experience!

An Imperfect Heart ♥

 Have you ever seen a perfectly shaped heart rock?  This one seems pretty close! 

 My husband was out hiking with a friend and happened to notice it.  Because he knows I love heart-shaped rocks he stopped, picked it up, and put it in his pocket.  I was thrilled when I saw it!  I have a large collection of heart rocks of all sizes (see my blog post from July 31, 2022).  

It's interesting though, if you turn the heart in any other direction it doesn't actually look like a heart at all.  While it may look quite perfect at one angle, it looks quite imperfect from other angles.  

People are like that too.  Sometimes others seem perfect.  From our angle, their life seems perfect.  Their house, family and job seem perfect.  They seem to have everything going for them.   Trust me, it isn't.  

Just like the rock, there are other angles.  No one's life is perfect.  We are all imperfect hearts.  We all have hard things, and we all make mistakes.  

The crazy thing is, I understand why I AM not perfect, and I don't think anyone should expect me to be, and yet often I expect perfection from others.  

From my angle I can totally justify when I have a bad day, or handle a situation wrong, or say the wrong thing,  but when someone else does it I am surprised.  Sometimes I have a hard time giving them grace, allowing them to be imperfect.  Why is that?  I think it is just our nature.  We either think the other person is perfect, or we expect them to be perfect.  They aren't.  They can't be.  They are just like you and me, doing the best they can.  

My little heart rock currently sits on a shelf behind my kitchen sink.  I am using it as a reminder to accept and love others for who they are, and allow them to be imperfect just as I hope they will allow me to be.   

We are all doing the best we can. ♥

Learning to Love

 It's been a long journey.  Long.  And I'm not talking about my trip to Washington to attend a wedding this last weekend.

What I'm talking about is my mental journey to get to the place I have arrived at today.  You see, this wedding was for someone I dearly love and have known their whole life.  This wedding was not a "traditional" wedding, in the "old" way you would think of weddings.  This was a lesbian wedding.

If I'm being real and raw I was not all that comfortable with this idea not that long ago.  

I was totally fine with "you do your thing and I'll do mine"....up until the point where it hit close to home.  That's when it got hard.  

And so, part of my long road to this point has been about learning how to love each person...not for what they choose in life, but for who they are inside.  I'm ashamed to say that I have spent much of my life loving people conditionally.  That is, showing love and approval based on choices.  It took all seven of my children, as well as many other people that I love deeply to refine me and help me finally learn to love, really love people for who they are.  

It's not an easy thing to do.  

        Growth is hard.  

                                Movement is slow.  

                                                        Change is challenging.  

I have a story to tell, which will unfold gradually as I share my journey in the coming months.

For now I am just grateful that I could look into that bride's eyes, see her soul, and love her for the unbelievably beautiful person she has always been.  

I'm so grateful to have my heart opened in this lifetime, to let go of judgment and just love.  It feels so much better, and exactly what each of us deserves, to be seen and loved for who we are in our soul.  

Running Red Lights

 Do you ever run red lights?  I do.  I try not to, but instead of slowing down when the light turns yellow, sometimes I speed up.  I don't want to sit and wait.  Do you do that?  

I have found that this does not necessarily get me ahead.  Sometimes I notice that I run a questionable light and the car behind me stops, only to catch up with me at the next light.  

Recently I ran a yellow-turned-red light that I should have stopped at.  I found myself behind a very slow public bus that I couldn't seem to get out from behind.  The cars on both sides were also going slow.  It was somewhat maddening.  I felt frustrated and annoyed.  As I was creeping along I wondered what would have happened if I had stopped at that light.  For one thing, I would have been far less frustrated sitting at the red light than creeping along, stuck, at five miles under the speed limit.  Also, when the light finally did turn green I would have been the first in line and could have accelerated to my desired speed at will.  

What is the lesson for me in all of this?  (Moment of introspection) 

I can keep running yellow-turned-red lights in hopes of getting to my destination a teeny tiny bit faster, risk getting a ticket, being involved in an accident, and being frustrated when the other cars don't maintain my desired speed, OR I can make a change.  

I could start slowing down at yellow lights and actually stopping when I'm supposed to.  I would feel better inside.  I wouldn't be looking around to see if there was a cop coming after me.  I wouldn't be risking an accident.  I would be the first one in line so I could choose my speed....all positives.  I guess it's just hard to stop when you're going full speed ahead, even when it makes total logical sense.

Of course this is also an analogy for life, and fairly easy to find where a positive change could be made.  Just look for the signs.  

Where and when in your life do you get frustrated most often?  

Where are other people "bugging" you because they are not doing what you want, when you want them to?  

When are you glancing around to see who is watching your behavior?  

AHA!  This is where to make a positive change.  

Think about it.  Mull it over.  Make a list of reasons to change, like I did about the light.  

Is it hard to stop current behavior, even when it doesn't serve you?  ABSOLUTELY.  

Is it worth it?  ABSOLUTELY.  Why?  Because you will stop feeling frustrated, irritated and worried.  Instead you will feel more content, calm and cool-headed.  You will feel happier.  Totally worth it.

So next time you see a strawberry blonde driving a pink car, sitting first in line at a red light, you'll know I figured it out.  

Don't Forget the Keys

 I was on my way out to the door.  My dad had had surgery the week before and was now in a rehab facility.  Because it was over an hour drive away, and because I was planning to stay for a few hours, I was thinking ahead.  I packed my breakfast protein shake, found and filled up my water bottle, grabbed the white sack containing his favorite brownies, got my coat, phone and purse and headed out the door.  What an armful.  I felt like I was hauling half the house!

As the garage door shut behind me I saw my car and realized I was missing something, something small but important.  I realized I wasn't actually going anywhere without my KEYS.  I was totally prepared, had what I needed for the trip, knew how to get there....but none of that did any good without that ONE crucial item.  Without putting the key in the ignition and turning it, nothing else was going to happen.  I unloaded my arms into the front seat and went back into the house to get them.  It struck me as ironic how I seemed so completely prepared, and yet missing one small thing was holding me back from getting where I wanted to go.  

Sometimes we do that in life.  We have something in mind we want to accomplish, a "destination" if you will, and come up with all kinds of plans and ideas on how to accomplish it, but fail to recognize the one key thing to really move us forward.  

What destination are you trying to reach?  What key thing are you missing?

No idea?  May I make a suggestion?

I believe that all the answers are inside of you.  Try this exercise:

Get a pen and paper.  Find a comfortable and quiet spot.  Close your eyes.  Empty your brain of all thoughts except for your destination.  Focus on where you want to go.  Keeping your intended destination in mind, ask your brain "How?"  Then wait.  Let your brain go where it will.  Don't guide it.  Don't try to consciously think of ideas. Just relax and let your brain do the work itself.  Write down any idea that comes.  Do not filter ideas.  Just write them.  Studies show that the best ideas come when we are doing nothing, so just sit there and let your brain work on it.  Give this exercise 10-15 minutes. Once you are done, execute any ideas that have come as soon as possible (making sure that they are legal, ethical and moral). 

This may be the key you have been missing.  Done regularly, you will find your brain knows exactly what you need in order to turn the key in the ignition, start the engine, and get going. 

Uphill Both Ways

 How can something possibly be uphill both ways?  It only makes sense that if you go uphill one way, when you turn around, or go down the other side you will be on the downhill, right?  Science tells us that what goes up must come down.  So there is no way something can be uphill both ways....until it is.  

Here's what happened: I started riding my bike (yes, it's another bike story) up a long uphill slope. 

 Each day my eyes tell me it is uphill.  

My legs, pumping the pedals, tell me its uphill.  

My heaving lungs tell me its uphill.  

I have science on my side.  Its definitely uphill....all the way.  At some point, I reach the summit and turn around to come back down. 

I am looking forward to the break.  My legs are burning.  My lungs are burning.  I am gasping for each breath.  As I go back down the slow decline my eyes tell me I am now going downhill.  My legs, however, beg to differ.  They are still having to pedal as though I am going uphill.  My lungs agree.  They are working much too hard.  Where is the coasting my eyes are telling them should be happening?

It turns out that I am at the mouth of a canyon, and there is always a wind blowing through that canyon.  On the uphill the wind is at my back, though the incline is still very strenuous for me.  On the way back the wind is blowing against me, preventing me from coasting down the hill.  Instead, I must pedal against the wind to keep moving forward.  

The first time this happened I was very disappointed.  I thought the way back was going to be easy.  Instead I got just the opposite.  "Not fair!" I thought.  "I earned this break!  Its not supposed to be this way!"  But it is.  

Do you ever feel that way, like life is uphill both ways?  

And just when you have reached the point where things are supposed to get easier, they don't?  "Not fair!" we say.  "I earned this break!  Its not supposed to be this way!"  But it is.

 I remember this with raising children.  "Once you get everyone out of diapers it gets easier" I was told.  "Once all the children are in school".  And then, "Once they get a little older." and so on.   I kept waiting for the downhill.  But it didn't come.  Instead I got teenagers.  Regardless of what I was expecting to 'see', life felt uphill both ways.

As I look at things now from a distance, as though looking back on my life and the ride I have chosen, what good has come of so much effort?

I am stronger.  Much stronger.  So much better equipped to handle big uphill's than I ever would have been from coasting half the time.  

I feel more self assured.  I know I can do really hard things.  I've done really hard things.  And lived to tell about it.

The best part though, is how much I appreciate the true downhills.  Had I gotten what I expected all along, I never would have appreciated the easy times, the rests and lulls that actually do come. They are like unexpected gifts that make life (and bike rides) very sweet,  rich and full.  

Would I prefer to be weak, less self assured and entitled?  Not in a million years.  I like who I am and what I have come through.  It has made me who I am.  The burning legs and lungs of life have been worth it. 

So if you are pedaling uphill, or against the wind, keep moving forward.  Don't give up.  It is worth it.  

WOW!

 Celebration time!  This is my 100th published blog post!  And today's topic could not be more perfect!  

Let me start with a story:

I'm generally a runner.  That's how I get my cardio in.  Jogger might be closer to the truth, lol!  I have been running since 7th grade junior high when our P.E. teacher made us run a mile for the first time in my life, and I literally collapsed at the finish line.  I thought I was going to die.  Right then I decided I was going to conquer running.  I started running around my neighborhood.  I got my sister to run with me.  By the time I graduated from high school I could run five miles without stopping, which may not seem huge to a "real" runner, but compared to collapsing after a mile, it was a great victory!  It has been my mode of cardio ever since.  

About two months ago I  developed popliteal tendinitis behind my right knee.  Within days I was literally not able to run without extreme pain.  Walking was even a challenge.  The timing was not good.  Normally I would just take some time off, but I was smack in the middle of a weight release goal, and I was no way going to put that on hold.  It's hard enough to begin such a journey, and I was having great success.  I was not going to quit.  But I needed cardio in order to be successful.  So I found another way.  I switched to biking.  

My son is a talented mountain biker, and my husband has also biked off and on for many years.  I remembered we had an old (rusty) ten-speed bike under the deck.  I got it out and dusted it off.  My husband put air in the tires, and off I went to see if it would work.  It did.  More importantly, it didn't hurt my leg to ride a bike, and so I started biking.  First it was just around the neighborhood, then a little way up the long hill by my house that I mentioned a couple weeks ago.  Now I can go all the way up the hill, and much further even.  I discovered that I love biking!  It has been a great solution to my cardio problem.

A few years ago I attended a seminar where I was introduced to the concept of WOW.  It imperfectly stands for What's Another Way?  When something in our life changes in a way we don't want, we may want to sit down on the floor and pout, maybe even throw a tantrum and cry.  But then, we can either stay there, or we can get up and figure out 'what's another way'.  

I've had SO many instances in my life where something great and maybe even inspired ended,  or turned sour, and I've had to figure out 'what's another way'.  

Take for example, not just my way of getting cardio in, but the perfect nursing job that wasn't after a while, or the business my husband started and ran for 15 years until the recession hit and brought us to our knees.  And just because something is right for the moment, doesn't mean it will always be right. And just because something IS right, doesn't mean it will be easy or perfect.  In fact, it won't.   Sometimes we have to pivot.  Sometimes we have to turn a corner.  Sometimes we have to change directions and go down a different road.  And that's okay.  It's a bit unsettling, but it's okay.  

If you haven't read the book, "Who Moved My Cheese" I would highly recommend it.  It's all about WOW.  

Is there something currently in your life where WOW could help?

As you look backwards, what WOW things have you done?

It's okay to mourn a change you didn't want.  Go through the mourning.  But then get up off the floor, dust yourself off and ask "What's another way?".  You've got this. ♥

In the Shade of a Tree

 Years ago we strategically planted a shade tree in our backyard to grow and shade our beautiful deck.  It grew slowly.  So slowly.  Over time we did other things to provide shade and I kind of forgot about the tree's original purpose.  Then one day I was out sitting on the deck and suddenly realized that the curtain I usually open and close to keep the sun off of us was shaded by the tree!  I realized that the tree not only shaded the deck, but had grown taller than the deck and shaded part of the house too!  Funny how something can grow slowly over time, seemingly without notice, until suddenly there it is!

You are like that too, you know.  You have little things in place that you do regularly in your efforts to reach who you want to be.  They seem so small, so almost insignificant.  You may even forget the original reason you started doing them because they have become so automatic.  

One day you look back and see how far you have come!  Perhaps you can remember when you never thought you would get to this point.  

What is one thing you have been doing over time that has helped you become who you are now? 

Take a moment to look back and see how far you have come.  YOU are like that shade tree. You have grown slowly over time, and have made great strides toward your full potential!  

I can hear you.  Stop pointing out how far you have to go, and all the ways you are not great.  Take the example of my tree.  It doesn't berate itself for not being at full potential yet. Can it get bigger? Yes.  Could its branches be more far reaching? Yes.  But it is a fabulous and beneficial tree that is fulfilling its purpose and doing much good as it continues to grow.  Perhaps you can insert yourself into that last sentence.  Try it. 

“I am a fabulous and beneficial (person) that is fulfilling (my) purpose and doing much good as (I) continue to grow.” 

I invite you to say this affirmation multiple times a day to yourself until you believe it. 

Believe it because it is true.  

You are amazing and wonderful.♥

The Long Uphill

I started riding my bike for exercise this summer.  Near our home is a long, uphill road.  The upward  incline is somewhat gradual,  getting steeper and steeper as you near the top.  

When I  first started, I could only ride my bike about a third of the way up.  Now I can go much farther.  It’s been a process.  Part of it is physically building up those muscles, but the other part is mental.  

When I look up and see the very long hill in front of me, and how far I have to go to reach the top, I feel somewhat overwhelmed, like it’s too hard, too much.  

When I focus on what is right in front of me, pedaling through just the next few feet, it feels much more doable.  As I continue pedaling, keeping my eyes on what is right before me, repeating this over and over, I get where I’m trying to go. I eventually find myself at the top. 

For those who are futuristic, looking way ahead can be motivating.  For many though, it can be overwhelming.  

I find that my mental lesson in uphill bike riding  translates to what I am pushing myself to do in my life as well.  When I look at the big picture and how far I need to go, I get discouraged.  It feels too hard.  

When I focus on what is right in front of me, the next right step, and do that, and then the next right step after that, and so on, and so on, I find myself in the place I wanted to be.

What are you trying to do in your life that feels big and hard?

Is it possible that you are looking far ahead and getting discouraged or feeling overwhelmed?

Try this: Think about just what you need to do next. What’s the one next right step?  Focus just on that.  Don’t look at the big picture.  Take the step.  Then take one more, and one more.  Eventually you will find yourself in your intended destination.  Keep taking one step at a time in the direction you intentionally decide. 

Don’t give up.  Don’t get discouraged.  Just keep going.  As long as you do that, you can’t help but eventually find yourself where you intended to go.  

 For help getting where you want to go, join my 4-week online class "Living an Elevated Life", starting August 29th, 2023.  You will get awesome tools to help you take those next right steps, as well as support and coaching along the way.  Register here

How to Become a Butterfly

 Have you ever watched a butterfly emerge from its cocoon?  

In a recent video I watched a butterfly emerging.  It was a slow, difficult and tedious process.  The butterfly struggled and struggled to get out. To add to it, the butterfly was upside down and quite literally in the dark.  Once out, it had to hang from the cocoon and let it's wings dry before it could use them.  

What would happen if the butterfly quit halfway through?  What if it decided it was too hard and too much of a struggle?  That it was easier and more comfortable to stay where it was?  What if it gave up?   

Attempting anything new takes a lot of effort.  Whether it is starting a new eating habit, exercise routine, a new job or career, or something else entirely, starting something new is HARD.  It's a struggle.  It's tempting to stay where it's easier, comfortable and familiar. You may feel  upside down and in the dark. You may be tempted to give up.  

Recently I was reminded not to be frustrated with the process of transformation.  

I was reminded that it takes time and struggle to become a beautiful butterfly.  

I was reminded not to be frustrated that I am not one already.  

The struggle is meant to be part of the process.  The struggle is important.  It's what makes me strong.  It's what grows my wings and gets me ready to fly.  

Any time we decide to do something new, something that transforms us, we have to grow in our cocoon and then patiently get out of it - work our way out.  The struggle is part of the plan.  Be patient and struggle.  Don't give up.  You are becoming something beautiful.

P.S. If you are looking for personal transformation, you are going to LOVE my new class, "Living an Elevated Life".  This 4-week zoom class will give you the opportunity to pick something to transform while being given tools for success, and support.  Starts August 29th.  Sign up here

A Numb Thumb

 Many years ago after a wonderful Thanksgiving, I put the children to bed and set about cutting the rest of the meat off the turkey bones.  

As I was working, I wasn't careful enough, and the knife slipped and sliced into my left thumb.  It was deep.  I could tell immediately.  I quickly wrapped a towel around my thumb and called for my husband.  Six stitches later I returned home just in time to crawl into bed for the night.

As time went on and the stiches were removed, I noticed that I had no feeling in a large area in the middle of my thumb.  Being a nurse, I know that nerves do grow back when severed, but that it is very slow and will likely take years.  

I would notice periodically that my thumb still had a numb spot right around the top knuckle on the medial side.  Occasionally I would poke at it to see if I was regaining any feeling.  Eventually I forgot about my numb spot.

Fast forward to yesterday.  I had forgotten all about my thumb, and hadn't really paid attention to it in a number of years.  Our minds have the wonderful ability to adapt the abnormal into feeling normal, and this is just what had happened.  I forgot about my numb thumb because my mind adapted.  I stopped noticing it because it became "normal".  Yesterday, however, as I was sitting in church, I suddenly remembered my numbness and began to poke and prod at my finger to see if the numbness had lessened.  It hadn't.  I guess it's permanent after all.  I must have done a great job of severing that nerve with the knife!

It reminds me of other ways our minds adapt things to feel normal, like when you lose a loved one.  At first the change is unbearable, but very slowly over time you develop a new "normal".  

For someone married to an abusive partner, it also begins to feel "normal" over time.  They get used to it.  

Having a chronic illness is the same way.  

There are a million examples of the way our minds adapt to our situation and surroundings.  This can be a very good thing.  It's our brains way of helping us survive.  It can also be a bad thing.  Things we shouldn't adapt to become normal - like abuse, for example. 

 Sometimes we have the power to change our situation or surroundings, and sometimes we don't.  Often we even fail to recognize that our situation is not healthy or good for us.  

I invite you to examine your life, and become aware of something that feels "normal" but is unhealthy, that you have the power to change.

Here are a few ideas:

• Daily chaos
• Gossiping
• Beating yourself up emotionally
• Getting mad too easily
• Criticizing
• Eating too much/too little of something. (I could do a whole blog just on my experience with this)
• Screen time

P.S. I am teaching a FREE webinar this Wednesday, August 9th, 2023 on "The Top 3 Ways You are Beating Yourself Up - And How to Stop It".  I'd love to have you, or someone you know join me. Register here

 

Do You Have FOMO?

 

Do you have FOMO?  A fear of missing out?  You either have it, or you likely know someone who does.  This is the person who doesn't want to miss out on anything.  As a result, they overcommit, say "yes" when they should say "no", and stress themselves out trying to do everything and be everywhere.  Having FOMO is exhausting! 

Take me, for example.  With an already busy Saturday, I found out there was going to be a family gathering 40 minutes away at an inconvenient time for me.  I began an argument with myself:

  

"You definitely don't have time for that!"

"But people are going to be there that I want to see!"

"You just saw most of those people last weekend."

"But there are going to be a couple people there I haven't seen recently."

"And you are  not very close to those people."

"But they are driving so far to be there."

"That's their choice.  They haven't asked you to do the same."

"But I might miss out on something!"

You see how this goes.....

A healthy approach is to objectively weigh out the sacrifice while leaving the emotion (the fear of missing out) out of it.  Weigh it out.  Does it feel like a right fit?

Is it worth it to me to make the sacrifice to drive 40 minutes to see people I just saw, and a couple of people who may not even care if I'm there, just because I might miss out on something?  What might I be missing out on anyway?  

Sometimes it is worth it, and sometimes it isn't.  Sometimes you should say "yes".  And sometimes it's a  "no".  The goal is to keep yourself in emotional balance, the opposite of running yourself ragged trying to be everywhere and do everything!

P.S.  If you missed my FREE webinar "The Top 3 Ways You are Beating Yourself Up - And How to Stop It", I am offering it again on Wednesday, August 9th, 2023.    Register here

New 4-week class starting August 22nd!  "Living an Elevated Life"  More info to come.